1 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,087 ["My Generation" playing] 2 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,100 [chicken clucking] 3 00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:23,268 [man groaning] 4 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:24,561 [woman groaning] 5 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:04,351 [school principal] Congratulations, Hudson High class of 2004. 6 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,395 [students cheering] 7 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,954 [Scott] There she is. Fiona! 8 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,082 Okay, bye. [chuckles] 9 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,042 -[Scott] Hey. -Hey! [chuckles] 10 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:30,752 [Scott grunts] Hey, you. 11 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:33,588 [moans] 12 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,925 -Congratulations, graduate. -Thanks, baby. 13 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,721 -And congratulations to you, Cooper. -Aw! Thanks, baby! 14 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:42,889 -Nice try. -[Cooper] All right. 15 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,683 I'll see you at Wade's party tonight? 16 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,268 -See you then. -[Cooper] All right. 17 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,856 So, it's just you and me for the entire summer. 18 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,233 Next year you graduate, join me in college. 19 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,484 See, just like we planned. 20 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,988 -Scott, we need to talk. -Yeah? About what? 21 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,198 About me dumping you. 22 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,034 -Huh? -[Mr. Thomas] There he is! 23 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:06,872 The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend, hmm? Okay? 24 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,499 Smile, you two! 25 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,711 -Action! -Dad, Mom, Grandma... 26 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:16,465 Uncle Moke, uh, I'm gonna need a minute here, okay? 27 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,134 What do you mean, you're dumping me? 28 00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:23,180 Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore. 29 00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:26,266 What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you. 30 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,268 I know. That's what makes this so hard. 31 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,103 You're looking good, you guys. 32 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:34,024 Scotty, it's not you. It's me. 33 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,862 There I go, lying again. No, it-- it was you. 34 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:40,947 You're just so... 35 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,492 -predictable. -[Mr. Thomas] Smile! 36 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,701 [camera shutter clicks] 37 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,453 So, that's it. 38 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,331 Here's your letter jacket back. Goodbye. 39 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,542 This isn't mine. 40 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,714 Well, she's a keeper, huh? 41 00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,050 Oh, wow. 42 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:01,468 Oh, my God. 43 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,263 Fiona! 44 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,265 [Scott crying] 45 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,103 [button clicks] 46 00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:13,772 [Cooper] Let's see that again. 47 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,610 Fiona! 48 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,404 -This is just so brutal. -[chuckling] 49 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,365 And yet I can't look away. 50 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:24,908 -Bert, play it again. Come on. -[laughs] 51 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,661 -[button clicks] -[Scott on video] Fiona! 52 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,120 -[Bert laughing] -Bert, get out of here. 53 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,667 -Okay. See you, Coop. -All right. Stay black, Bert. 54 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:37,087 [laughing] "Fiona!" 55 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,005 -[beeps] -[computer] Mail, motherfucker! 56 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,882 Hey, I got one from Mieke. 57 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,884 [indistinct clamoring over computer] 58 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,469 -[thud] -[bell dings] 59 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,304 [Scott] "Happy herzlichen." 60 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,683 Hey, you still writing that guy? I thought that was just for German class. 61 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,142 Uh, yeah, it was at first, 62 00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,395 but you know, we're actually becoming pretty good friends. 63 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,813 He's a really cool guy. 64 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,773 -Dear Mieke... -[keypad typing] 65 00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,360 ...greetings from your American pen pal. 66 00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:03,238 -Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals. -[keypad typing continues] 67 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,823 Listen to yourself, all right? 68 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,702 You met a "cool guy" on the "internet." 69 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,871 Okay? This is how these sexual predators work. 70 00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:13,665 Next thing you know, he's gonna want to "arrange a meeting." 71 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,960 Uh, where he will gas you, and stuff you in the back of his van, 72 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,712 and make a wind chime out of your genitals. 73 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,046 [chuckles] 74 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,007 -Come on, let's go to Wade's. -All right. 75 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,926 Screw it. Let's go. I'm not gonna let Fiona 76 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,469 -ruin my graduation night. -[keypad typing] 77 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,597 -[computer bleeps] -Auf Wiedersehen, Mieke. 78 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:29,931 [beeps] 79 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,976 [indistinct shouting and cheering] 80 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,191 [indistinct chatter] 81 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,447 -[Jenny chuckling] What's up, losers? -What's up, Jenny? 82 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:46,531 What's up, dude? 83 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,742 Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore. 84 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:52,120 -Well, that's very sweet of you. Thanks. -All right, enough Fiona talk. 85 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,164 Look around. There's gotta be a hundred drunk girls here, 86 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,249 and we should be trying to have sex with every one of 'em. 87 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,293 Hello? Mixed company. 88 00:06:58,835 --> 00:06:59,794 What? 89 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,130 -I'm a girl! -No, you're not. 90 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,924 Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair. 91 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,675 So, where's your evil twin brother at? 92 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,678 -Jenny! -Oh, there he is. 93 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,892 -Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see. -Mm. 94 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,354 Why'd you get me gin and tonic? I hate gin. 95 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,941 -You do? -You guys are the worst twins ever! 96 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:22,567 [crowd cheering] 97 00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:25,070 [all] Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 98 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,404 [grunts] 99 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:27,989 [moans] 100 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,451 -So, when are you guys taking off? -Tomorrow morning. 101 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,827 Hey, Wade! 102 00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,039 -Great party, bud. -[Wade muffled speaking] 103 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,083 Man, I am so excited! 104 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,210 A whole summer, backpacking around Europe. 105 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:44,464 You really should've come with us instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty! 106 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,092 Oh, it's gonna be so awesome! 107 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,426 Yeah! Hey. 108 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:52,097 I have planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun. 109 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,182 You brought a guidebook to a party? 110 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,394 -Do you guys wanna see my itinerary? -Do you wanna see my balls? 111 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,897 So, you guys decide where you're gonna go first? 112 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,024 Paris! I can't wait. 113 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,193 I heard two years ago, Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, 114 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:06,736 met a really wealthy French guy, 115 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,406 and they spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. 116 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,575 Isn't that just the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 117 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,537 Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? 118 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,206 That sounds a little gay. 119 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,835 It-- it's not gay. I'm a girl. [chuckles] 120 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,586 -Kinda gay. -[chuckles] A little gay. 121 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,590 Oh, all right, I gotta piss like a pregnant woman. 122 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,175 -[mic static] -[indistinct clamoring] 123 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,469 Hey, listen up, everybody. 124 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,806 Gotta a little special thing I'd like to do tonight. 125 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,017 Going to play a little song for you... 126 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,310 -[boy] Yeah! -...about the nastiest, 127 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:43,314 -freakiest little sex puppet I know... -[crowd cheering] 128 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,484 -...Fiona. -[crowd cheering] 129 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,658 This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary. 130 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,369 -[crowd cheering continues] -["Scotty Doesn't Know" playing] 131 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:03,084 ♪ Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me ♪ 132 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,545 ♪ Do it in my van every Sunday ♪ 133 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,506 ♪ She tells him she's in church But she doesn't go ♪ 134 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,718 ♪ Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know ♪ 135 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,096 ♪ Oh, Scotty doesn't know ♪ 136 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,349 ♪ So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know ♪ 137 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,684 ♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 138 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,938 [girl 1] I hope we're just as popular in college as we were in high school. 139 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,858 -[girl 2] Ooh, we will be. [chuckling] -[girl 1] I know. 140 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,359 Who needs more Chablis? 141 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,197 -Candy, wanna come with? -[Candy] No, I'll stay here. 142 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,908 [Cooper] Hello, Candy. 143 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,331 -Whoops! [chuckles] -[squeals] 144 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,874 Holy cow! 145 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,335 Oh, this isn't where I parked my car! 146 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:46,336 [crowd cheering] 147 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,547 ♪ I can't believe he's so trusting ♪ 148 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:55,428 ♪ While I'm right behind you thrusting ♪ 149 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:58,306 ♪ 'Cause Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 150 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,016 Cooper Harris, you're a pig! 151 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,895 Uh, wa-- Candy, before you go, uh, you might want to clean that off. 152 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:06,856 Clean what off? 153 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,901 It's like, uh, dirt, or something. Just go like this. 154 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:16,699 What, no, it-- it's kind of under, and, to the side and... 155 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:18,576 under. 156 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,995 -Is it off? -No. 157 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,915 I think your top is getting in the way. 158 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,710 -Really? -Trust me. 159 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,639 That's better. Uh, well, keep rubbing it. 160 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,727 [crowd cheering] 161 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:49,440 ♪ I did her on his birthday ♪ 162 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,443 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 163 00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:55,280 -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 164 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:56,865 -♪ Don't tell Scotty ♪ -♪ Don't tell Scotty ♪ 165 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,159 -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 166 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,203 [Cooper] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 167 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,831 No, it's just not coming off. 168 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,625 What is it? 169 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,086 Fine, I'll do it. Come here. 170 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,423 -Oh, my God! Candy! -[gasps] 171 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,425 Cooper! 172 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,595 Hey. [chuckles] 173 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,139 This isn't where I parked my car. 174 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,100 [screaming, groaning] 175 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,810 ♪ Scotty doesn't know... ♪ 176 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,103 [screams] 177 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,525 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 178 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,319 ♪ Scotty doesn't, Scotty doesn't... ♪ 179 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,320 -Hey. -[crowd singing] 180 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,322 -♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ 181 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:40,366 -♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ 182 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,620 This band rocks! Yeah! 183 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,663 [crowd singing] ♪ Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't... ♪ 184 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,123 -[splatter] -[moaning] 185 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,808 [flushes] 186 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,063 -[computer bleeping] -[computer] Mail, motherfucker! 187 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,947 -[keypad typing] -Hey, Mieke. 188 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,365 "Dear Scott, 189 00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:24,953 I was very sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. 190 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,121 Since you no longer have a girlfriend, 191 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,998 maybe I could come to America 192 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,875 and we could get to know each other better. 193 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,585 Perhaps we could--" 194 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,338 "zussamen." 195 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,508 What the fuck is "zussamen"? 196 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:42,929 [page tearing] 197 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:46,724 "Arrange a meeting." 198 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:51,896 No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right. This guy wants to have sex with me. 199 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,149 -Um, listen, Mieke. -[keypad typing] 200 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,611 I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, 201 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,155 you sick, German freak. 202 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,742 So-- so please, keep your hands off my genitals, 203 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:08,871 and never write to me again, and don't come to America. 204 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:10,790 Goodbye. 205 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:13,876 [computer beeping] 206 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,714 -[clattering] -Ow. 207 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,467 [dog barking] 208 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,938 -I'm never drinking again. -[keypad typing] 209 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,732 That's nice. [clears throat] 210 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,946 -Bert, what are you doing? -[chuckles] Reading your email. 211 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:44,240 -Don't do that. -[keypad typing continues] 212 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,577 Why are you wearing my bathrobe? 213 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:52,874 Oh, I'm sorry, but somebody pissed all over mine last night. 214 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:58,296 Wow. I can't believe this German chick wants to come here 215 00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,380 and hook up with you. 216 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,549 Nah, I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy. 217 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,718 Um, no, it says right here, 218 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,136 "trauriges mädchen." 219 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,722 "I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona." 220 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:11,684 I'm taking "Intro to German" and even I know that. 221 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,102 Come here. 222 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,188 He sent me a picture, retardo. 223 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:19,108 See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan. 224 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,069 No, retardo. 225 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,822 That's Jan, a man's name, and that's not "Mike," 226 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,992 it's "Mieke", a common German girl's name, 227 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,786 similar to our Michelle. 228 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,747 I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit. 229 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:36,876 You didn't? 230 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,337 You thought she was a guy! 231 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:43,257 I'm getting the video camera! [chuckling] 232 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,343 What an asshole! 233 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:46,886 No. 234 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,471 No. 235 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,350 [screams] No! 236 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,519 [birds screeching] 237 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,858 [screaming continues] 238 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,243 [speaking German] I don't understand you, Scott Thomas. 239 00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:17,125 But if you do not want to talk to me, then I do not want to talk to you. 240 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,668 [beeps] 241 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,339 -[keypad typing] -[Scott] "Address blocked"? 242 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,299 -[beeping continues] -[Scott] "Email not delivered." No. 243 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:26,843 No, come on! 244 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,679 Hey, Mom made waffles. 245 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,807 -What's going on? -I'm in love with my pen pal. 246 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,226 I'm in love with Mieke. 247 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,023 Okay. Okay. 248 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,777 You know what? I was actually expecting this. 249 00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:48,990 And frankly, no, listen, I'm flattered you picked me to come out to first. 250 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,534 And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause, uh... 251 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:55,288 -I think they already know. -No, you idiot. Mieke is a girl. 252 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:56,914 No, no, I get it. Yeah. 253 00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:01,252 He's the girl, and you're the girl, and sometimes, uh, you're both the girl. 254 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,296 Right? 255 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,715 Right? That's hot. 256 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,968 But you know, whatever works for you. I'm-- I'm not gonna judge it. 257 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,679 Will you stop? Look, come here. Look at this picture. 258 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,642 -Wow. Who's the hot chick? -That's Mieke. 259 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,520 -I mean Mieke. -Wait, that's Mieke? 260 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,355 That's who you've been writing to all this time? 261 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:22,899 Yeah, you know, until last night, 262 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,611 when I took your advice and told her to keep her hands off my genitals. 263 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:30,490 Well, given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want. 264 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:37,205 -This is a total disaster. -Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 265 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,874 Though she is really hot. 266 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,543 You're not listening. I don't even care what she looks like. 267 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,297 Mieke and I, we had this incredible bond. 268 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,508 I told her things I couldn't even tell you. 269 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:51,469 Like what? 270 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,638 Nothing. It's a-- it's a figure of speech, Coop. 271 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,640 -No, seriously. What? -Nothing. The point is-- 272 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,391 -You like me better, right? -Will you stop, listen. 273 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:01,854 This girl is not only smart and funny, and stunningly beautiful, 274 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,273 but until I screwed it up, she actually wanted to come 275 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,359 all the way to America just to be with me. 276 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:09,028 -So, do something about it. -What can I do? 277 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,615 She blocked her email account, her phone number's not listed. 278 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,951 The only thing I know is that she lives in Berlin. 279 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:16,494 So, go to Berlin. 280 00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,414 I can't just go to Berlin, Coop. 281 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,542 -Why not? -Because... 282 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,502 I just can't, okay? 283 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,629 I'm supposed to work for my dad this summer. 284 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,923 That stuff looks really good on my med school application. 285 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,633 Oh, Jesus, Scotty! 286 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,803 Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable. 287 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,725 [soft music playing] 288 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,815 -I'm going to Germany. -No... 289 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,650 we're going to Germany. 290 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:51,237 ♪ I'm a real wild one, wild one ♪ 291 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,532 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 292 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,409 ["Wild One" playing] 293 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:59,704 -How are we going to get to Germany? -Don't worry. I've got it covered. 294 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:01,872 ♪ Oh ♪ 295 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:04,166 [Scott] We're going to be couriers? 296 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,127 It's the best way to get a cheap flight. 297 00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:09,630 All we have to do is carry their packages, and then drop them off when we get there. 298 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,591 My cousin did it when he went to India. 299 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,800 -Yeah? -Yeah. 300 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,512 Of course, he, uh, ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi, 301 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:19,932 and, uh, they had to cut off his leg. [chuckles] You know. 302 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,268 But he got there cheap, you know what I'm saying? 303 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:26,981 Okay, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. Uh, 304 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:30,401 but I can get you both to London today for 118 dollars. 305 00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,902 -Anything else? -Europe is, like, 306 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,072 the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there. 307 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,742 Cooper, England's an island. 308 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,286 Okay, swim. Whatever. 309 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,038 We'll take it. 310 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:44,457 ["Are You Gonna Be My Girl" playing] 311 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:48,711 ♪ Be my girl! Be my girl! ♪ 312 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:55,509 ♪ Are you gonna be my girl? Yeah! ♪ 313 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,429 -Hey. -Hmm? 314 00:18:58,721 --> 00:18:59,930 Thanks for coming with me. 315 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,391 I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer. 316 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,226 Well, forget about the law firm. 317 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,688 And don't thank me. I should be thanking you. 318 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,692 This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me 319 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,779 -to broaden my sexual horizons. -[chuckles] 320 00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,197 What are you talking about? 321 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,325 -I'm talking about crazy European sex. -Ah. 322 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,202 [music playing] 323 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,954 -You know America was founded by prudes. -Hmm. 324 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,999 Prudes who left Europe because they hated 325 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:30,294 all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. 326 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:34,423 And now, I, uh, Cooper Harris, 327 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,968 will return to the land of my perverted forefathers 328 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:39,345 and claim my birthright, 329 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,055 which is a... 330 00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:45,142 series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures. 331 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,105 You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you? 332 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:51,524 It's my passion. 333 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:52,566 ["In the City" playing] 334 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:56,237 ♪ In the city there's a thousand faces All shining bright ♪ 335 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,366 ♪ In the city ♪ 336 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,789 ♪ And those golden faces Are under twenty-five ♪ 337 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,582 [Scott] Come on, come on! 338 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,001 ♪ In the city ♪ 339 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,336 The adventure begins. 340 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,880 Welcome to jolly old England. 341 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:18,509 Yeah, breathe that sweet, sexy, European air. 342 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,094 [phone ringing] 343 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:21,971 -Oh. -What is that? 344 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,515 Uh, it's-- it's the phone they gave me at the law firm. 345 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,559 -Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? -[phone ringing continues] 346 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:27,768 -Works anywhere. -Yeah? 347 00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,395 Yeah. Excuse me. 348 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,064 Cooper here. 349 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,066 Hello, Mr. Walters. 350 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,861 Uh, yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. 351 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,155 Uh, hang on one second. 352 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,580 No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. 353 00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:49,540 Yes-- yes, sir, I'll keep looking. 354 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,709 No, I don't rest until I find it. 355 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,421 Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country? 356 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,006 -They would've stopped paying me. -Right. 357 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,174 It seemed easier. 358 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:01,218 -So, where to? -Uh, I don't know. 359 00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,179 First bus to Berlin doesn't leave till tomorrow morning. 360 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,639 What do you wanna do? Got the Tower of London, 361 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,057 there's Buckingham Palace. 362 00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,478 -Eh. -There's no drinking age. 363 00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:11,854 -There you go! -Come on. 364 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,941 -Hey! "The Feisty Goat." -[Cooper chuckles] 365 00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,693 [upbeat music playing] 366 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,029 [indistinct clamoring] 367 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:21,697 All right! [claps] 368 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:23,866 What do you wanna-- 369 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,246 [clamoring stops] 370 00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,253 Soccer hooligans. 371 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,382 [flesh sizzles] 372 00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:43,719 Hey, this isn't where I parked my car! 373 00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:45,930 Oi! 374 00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,724 Who the bloody hell are you? 375 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,311 This is a private members bar, 376 00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,563 exclusively for the supporters 377 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:56,941 of the greatest football team in the world... 378 00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:59,193 Manchester United. 379 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:02,530 Now, please, enlighten me. 380 00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:04,907 [screams] Who the fuck are you? 381 00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:08,369 That is a good question, and... Scotty? 382 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,246 Huh? 383 00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:16,085 We're the Manchester United Fan Club... 384 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:18,754 from Ohio. 385 00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,757 If you're Manchester United supporters... 386 00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:24,510 sing the Manchester United song. 387 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,387 [clears throat] Um, excuse me, I'm sorry... 388 00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:29,056 -I'm not much of a singer... -[screams] Sing! 389 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:33,352 ♪ My baby takes the morning train ♪ 390 00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:37,940 ♪ He works from nine to five and then ♪ 391 00:22:38,107 --> 00:22:42,403 ♪ He takes another home again ♪ 392 00:22:42,736 --> 00:22:45,030 ♪ To find me... ♪ 393 00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:50,411 ♪ Watching The Manchester United football team! ♪ 394 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:51,704 Huh? 395 00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:55,624 The best freakin' team in all the land! Woo-hoo! 396 00:23:03,007 --> 00:23:04,049 Pretty good. 397 00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:07,469 -Pretty dang good, lads! -[all] Yeah! 398 00:23:07,595 --> 00:23:09,013 [men cheering] 399 00:23:09,430 --> 00:23:11,307 -[bottle opens] -[screams] 400 00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:13,601 [cheering and clamoring continues] 401 00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:14,643 ["Morning Train" playing] 402 00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:18,439 ♪ My baby takes the morning train ♪ 403 00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:20,608 -[both laugh] -[screams] 404 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:22,568 ♪ ...Till five and then ♪ 405 00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:26,405 ♪ He takes another home again ♪ 406 00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:30,326 -♪ To find me waitin' for him ♪ -♪ To find me waitin' for him ♪ 407 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:34,622 -♪ He's always on that morning train ♪ -♪ My baby takes the morning train ♪ 408 00:23:34,705 --> 00:23:36,916 ♪ He works from nine till... ♪ 409 00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:39,168 [Jan] I've unblocked your email address, 410 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,170 but this Scott... 411 00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:43,213 is not responding. 412 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,008 He was the one. 413 00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:50,930 I was going to give myself to him. 414 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:55,017 Perhaps you should give yourself to someone else... 415 00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:00,189 fraulein. 416 00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:05,945 [funk music playing] 417 00:24:08,489 --> 00:24:09,740 [Mieke yelp, chuckles] 418 00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:14,578 [gasps] 419 00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:18,958 [groans] 420 00:24:21,335 --> 00:24:22,836 I'm never drinking again. 421 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,172 -[yawns] -Coop, wake up. 422 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:28,676 Oh, man, that was a wild night. [sighs] 423 00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:32,054 You think? 424 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:33,305 ["England 5 - Germany 1" playing] 425 00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:36,976 ♪ England five, Germany one Michael Owen is number one ♪ 426 00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,937 ♪ England five, Germany one Michael... ♪ 427 00:24:40,062 --> 00:24:42,106 [Cooper] Scotty, where the hell are we going? 428 00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:44,358 [Scott] Don't worry. If anything bad happens, 429 00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:45,985 my parents will find us. 430 00:24:46,652 --> 00:24:48,862 Honey, where's Scotty? 431 00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:51,073 Cooper said they were going camping. 432 00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:53,409 Oh, that's nice. 433 00:24:54,702 --> 00:24:57,287 -And where's Bert? -Fuck if I know. 434 00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:02,126 ♪ Beckenbauer and Voller thought They'd seen it all ♪ 435 00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:04,169 [clamoring indistinctly] 436 00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:07,214 ♪ ...Emile and golden balls ♪ 437 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:11,802 -[bottle shattering] -Hey! How are you, you scallywag! 438 00:25:12,302 --> 00:25:14,763 Look, given the current geopolitical climate, 439 00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:17,558 all European countries should have a seat at the table. 440 00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:20,352 -[man 1] Right. -Except those fucking Ities. 441 00:25:20,602 --> 00:25:22,438 I hate them Italian bastards. 442 00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:24,606 -You know what I mean? -Excuse me. 443 00:25:24,982 --> 00:25:27,818 -Hello, boyo! -So, what the hell happened last night? 444 00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:30,529 -[chuckles] -You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. 445 00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:32,364 Too much sauce, son. 446 00:25:32,906 --> 00:25:34,783 Don't worry. I come and got you, 447 00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:38,078 -so, you wouldn't miss the trip. -What-- what trip? 448 00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:40,330 -[man 2] What trip? -Where are we going? 449 00:25:40,414 --> 00:25:42,291 [Mad Maynard] What do you mean, "Where are we going?" 450 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:45,002 We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. 451 00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:46,170 Aren't we, boys? 452 00:25:46,253 --> 00:25:48,589 -[all] Yeah! -[bottles clinking] 453 00:25:48,756 --> 00:25:50,340 Why are you yelling at me? 454 00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:53,135 So, I tell the swamp donkey, "Suck it, 455 00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:55,846 before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance 456 00:25:56,013 --> 00:25:59,558 and have her lick me yardballs! [chuckles] 457 00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:01,518 Wow. 458 00:26:02,186 --> 00:26:03,937 You guys are on like a completely different level 459 00:26:04,021 --> 00:26:05,105 of swearing over here. 460 00:26:05,606 --> 00:26:08,108 Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris. 461 00:26:08,525 --> 00:26:09,693 I know. Cecil told me. 462 00:26:10,194 --> 00:26:13,072 Mieke's in Berlin. We're not going to Berlin. 463 00:26:13,155 --> 00:26:14,573 What are we gonna do? We need a plan. 464 00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:17,868 All right, see what I'm talking about? This is predictable Scotty talking. 465 00:26:18,619 --> 00:26:21,497 Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. 466 00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,207 It's a nothing commute. 467 00:26:23,624 --> 00:26:25,626 This is why France and Germany have always been allies. 468 00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:26,877 Allies. 469 00:26:29,755 --> 00:26:32,049 The twins. The twins were in Paris, right? 470 00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:34,343 We could give them a call. They could help us out. 471 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:35,928 Let me see you phone, I'll give 'em a call. 472 00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:38,388 All right, but I'm really only supposed to use this for business calls. 473 00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,475 -Hey, don't-- -["Guinness Boys" playing] 474 00:26:41,725 --> 00:26:42,893 ♪ Guinness boys... ♪ 475 00:26:42,976 --> 00:26:44,144 [burps] 476 00:26:44,394 --> 00:26:46,605 -♪ Oh, oh! Oh, oh! ♪ -♪ Oh, oh! Oh, oh! ♪ 477 00:26:47,022 --> 00:26:49,483 ♪ Guinness boys, we are here ♪ 478 00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:52,027 -♪ Oh, oh! Oh, oh! ♪ -♪ Oh, oh! Oh, oh! ♪ 479 00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:54,071 ♪ Guinness boys we are... ♪ 480 00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:55,656 [horns blaring] 481 00:26:57,741 --> 00:26:58,617 -Come on! -[horn honks] 482 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,495 You're on the wrong side of the road, you snail-eating puffs. 483 00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:05,749 Fuck off! Go on, you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 484 00:27:06,250 --> 00:27:07,459 -[horn honks] -Piss off! Get in here 485 00:27:07,543 --> 00:27:10,254 and say that, you froggy Itie shities! 486 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:15,676 -[horn blaring] -[Mad Maynard] Fucking beep! 487 00:27:16,051 --> 00:27:18,887 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 488 00:27:19,012 --> 00:27:20,806 -Get out of the way! Piss off! -[horns blaring] 489 00:27:21,265 --> 00:27:23,767 [men cheering] 490 00:27:29,273 --> 00:27:30,149 Hey, lads! 491 00:27:30,482 --> 00:27:32,693 That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! 492 00:27:33,152 --> 00:27:35,445 Let's give this nancy a fucking good kicking! 493 00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:38,031 Come on, lads, he's going off! 494 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:40,325 [men screaming] 495 00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:41,618 ["England 5 - Germany 1" playing] 496 00:27:41,743 --> 00:27:45,998 ♪ England five, Germany one Michael Owen is number one ♪ 497 00:27:53,088 --> 00:27:55,174 All right. Twins said they'd meet us here. 498 00:27:55,966 --> 00:27:57,050 -Hey! -[Jenny] Oh, look at that. 499 00:27:57,134 --> 00:27:58,802 There they are. Come on. Jenny! 500 00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:00,846 -Jamie! -[both] Hey! 501 00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:03,432 -Come here! [grunting] -No, no. No, no, no! 502 00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:06,226 -Scott, bienvenu a Paris. -Thank you. Thank you. 503 00:28:06,393 --> 00:28:08,854 -What is that, a new camera? -This isn't just a camera, 504 00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:10,564 this is a Leica M7. 505 00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:12,900 -[sighs] -Uber-sensitive exposure settings, 506 00:28:13,150 --> 00:28:14,610 legendary cloth shutter system. 507 00:28:14,818 --> 00:28:17,279 -Let me see that thing. -No can do. 508 00:28:17,446 --> 00:28:20,449 I spent the last four years tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it, 509 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,535 so, nobody touches my camera but me. 510 00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:25,913 -So, it's like your wiener. -No, it's not like my-- 511 00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:27,039 -Jenny. -Cooper... 512 00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:28,373 -[laughs] -[Jenny] ...leave him alone. 513 00:28:28,498 --> 00:28:31,752 Wow Scotty, I still can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl. 514 00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:35,130 Oh, wait, no, not just any girl. Show-- show her the picture, Scotty. 515 00:28:35,505 --> 00:28:37,883 She makes every girl in our high school look like a walrus. 516 00:28:38,634 --> 00:28:41,553 -I'm a girl from your high school. -No, I mean "girl" girls. 517 00:28:42,346 --> 00:28:44,514 Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris! 518 00:28:44,806 --> 00:28:46,016 Let's go to the Louvre! 519 00:28:46,350 --> 00:28:47,893 -To the Louvre! -To the Louvre! 520 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:50,979 [indistinct chatter] 521 00:28:51,230 --> 00:28:53,357 ["La Marseillaise" playing] 522 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:07,663 ["Nonchalant" playing] 523 00:29:13,293 --> 00:29:16,672 ["Prosper Yop la Boum" playing] 524 00:29:18,006 --> 00:29:21,134 ["Nonchalant" playing] 525 00:29:22,678 --> 00:29:24,096 So, you guys wanna stay here, 526 00:29:24,179 --> 00:29:27,015 or should we go check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower? 527 00:29:27,516 --> 00:29:28,558 Here's a fun fact. 528 00:29:28,642 --> 00:29:31,395 Voltaire contracted syphilis just two blocks from here. 529 00:29:31,561 --> 00:29:33,480 -Should we go? -Can we please get out of here? 530 00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:35,774 -[robot man imitates whirring] -This guy's really creeping me out. 531 00:29:35,899 --> 00:29:37,484 -[Scott] Who, Robot Man? -[whirring continues] 532 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:39,319 He's just trying to feed his robot family. 533 00:29:39,444 --> 00:29:41,989 -I-- I really don't like him. -Why? 534 00:29:42,406 --> 00:29:44,992 It's 'cause he's doing this? [imitates the robot man] 535 00:29:45,158 --> 00:29:47,119 All right. Okay, seriously, don't do that. 536 00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:50,205 [imitates robot] Cooper. Do not hate me. [imitates whirring] 537 00:29:52,749 --> 00:29:56,628 I am familiar with over 600 dance moves and I am programmed to get... 538 00:29:56,712 --> 00:30:00,507 [imitates whirring] 539 00:30:01,341 --> 00:30:03,885 Freaky. [imitates whirring] 540 00:30:05,554 --> 00:30:06,471 [whirrs] 541 00:30:06,555 --> 00:30:09,891 [both imitate whirring] 542 00:30:09,975 --> 00:30:11,685 [speaking French] What do you think you are doing? 543 00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:14,438 What do you think you are doing? I am the only robot on this corner. 544 00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:18,066 [chuckles] You're just upset because people like me better. It's okay. 545 00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:20,360 -[imitates whirring] -[coins clattering] 546 00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:24,573 [robot man and Scott imitate whirring] 547 00:30:24,865 --> 00:30:26,116 [camera shutter clicking] 548 00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:36,585 [speaking French] That is not a real robot move. 549 00:30:37,044 --> 00:30:39,254 You are not a real robot. 550 00:30:42,632 --> 00:30:44,092 -[grunts] -[all gasps] 551 00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:46,011 -Oh. -[both imitate whirring] 552 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:47,971 ["Two Tribes" playing] 553 00:30:58,732 --> 00:31:01,234 -Fight! Fight! -[both imitates whirring] 554 00:31:04,571 --> 00:31:05,947 Break the leg, Scott! 555 00:31:06,948 --> 00:31:10,285 ♪ One is all that you can score ♪ 556 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,079 ♪ Score no more, score no more ♪ 557 00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:14,081 ♪ When two tribes go to war ♪ 558 00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:16,375 ♪ One is all that you can score ♪ 559 00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:18,752 Ah, ah, ah-- [groans] 560 00:31:22,923 --> 00:31:25,008 Don't look in his eyes, Scotty. Don't look in his eyes! 561 00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:30,138 [imitate whirring continues] 562 00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,933 -Oh! No! -That was not cool. 563 00:31:33,350 --> 00:31:35,852 [robotic laughing] 564 00:31:36,144 --> 00:31:39,064 -[laughing continues] -[Scott imitates whirring] 565 00:31:40,232 --> 00:31:41,191 [grunts] 566 00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:44,444 [ratcheting] 567 00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:49,991 -[screams] -[shrieks] 568 00:31:56,540 --> 00:31:57,666 ♪ Somethin' this good died ♪ 569 00:31:58,208 --> 00:32:00,585 -[groans] -[both] Oh! 570 00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:03,088 [applause] 571 00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:04,297 [groans] 572 00:32:04,506 --> 00:32:06,466 -[Scott] Guys, let's go. Come on. -[camera shutter clicks] 573 00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:08,927 [groans] [speaking French] Ow! My robot balls! 574 00:32:09,970 --> 00:32:13,223 -Error! Error! Error! -[thud] 575 00:32:13,723 --> 00:32:15,976 -[accordion playing] -[Scott] How cool is this? 576 00:32:16,768 --> 00:32:18,854 It's a shame that we only get to spend one day together. 577 00:32:19,187 --> 00:32:21,481 -Why don't you come to Berlin with us? -Mm, no. 578 00:32:21,690 --> 00:32:24,818 Jamie, come on. In a few months, we're all going off to different colleges. 579 00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:25,944 This could be the last chance 580 00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:27,863 that the four of us are together like this. 581 00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:30,657 Plus, we're in Europe. Huh? 582 00:32:31,241 --> 00:32:33,034 This should be the trip of a lifetime. 583 00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:35,078 There's no way we should split up. 584 00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:38,665 All right, this table is now Europe, okay? 585 00:32:39,458 --> 00:32:40,834 -[clears throat] -Okay. 586 00:32:41,668 --> 00:32:44,254 -We are right here, in Paris... -[spoons clanking] 587 00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:46,673 ...and I have got to get to Mieke, 588 00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:48,967 who is over here, in Berlin. 589 00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:51,470 And Jamie, if you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton 590 00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:53,472 of great stuff that you can see, it's right along the way. 591 00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:57,309 -We can go to Denmark. -I love Denmark. 592 00:32:57,851 --> 00:32:58,977 We gotta hit Amsterdam. 593 00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:00,020 -Definitely. -Ah. 594 00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:02,522 And the cathedral at Camaret! 595 00:33:04,774 --> 00:33:06,193 -Yeah. Maybe -Maybe. We'll see. 596 00:33:06,568 --> 00:33:08,612 -[Cooper] Whatever. -If there's time. 597 00:33:10,614 --> 00:33:12,741 Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke. 598 00:33:14,117 --> 00:33:15,035 Fine. 599 00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:16,745 -Excellent! -All right! All right! 600 00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:17,787 A toast! 601 00:33:17,871 --> 00:33:19,748 -A toast! -Yes! Mm-hmm. 602 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:21,166 To Mieke! 603 00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:22,250 -To Europe! -To Europe! 604 00:33:22,501 --> 00:33:23,668 [all] To Europe! 605 00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:25,420 [Scott] Merci. 606 00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:28,131 Berlin, here we come! 607 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,759 -All right. -You better let me hold on to those. 608 00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:33,386 [upbeat music playing] 609 00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:38,725 -What the hell is that? -It's a traveler's money belt. 610 00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:40,852 Frommer's says as long as you have one of these, 611 00:33:40,936 --> 00:33:42,687 no one can rob you of anything. 612 00:33:43,355 --> 00:33:46,149 -Except your dignity. -No, you just put that in your-- 613 00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:48,401 Wait, what? 614 00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:50,904 [Scott] Come on, guidebook. Let's go. 615 00:33:51,112 --> 00:33:52,572 [female announcer over PA speaking French] 616 00:33:54,157 --> 00:33:55,867 -[Cooper] Check it out. -[vending machine rattling] 617 00:33:55,992 --> 00:33:57,536 European ass. 618 00:33:57,744 --> 00:33:59,329 [funk music playing] 619 00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:01,248 What's up? 620 00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:07,546 Oh, Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some... 621 00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:10,215 girl. Come on. Platform four. 622 00:34:11,091 --> 00:34:14,052 -Thanks. -[rattling] 623 00:34:14,511 --> 00:34:15,595 Damn! 624 00:34:18,932 --> 00:34:20,308 I believe this is yours. 625 00:34:24,980 --> 00:34:26,106 Pleased to meet you. 626 00:34:26,690 --> 00:34:27,857 My name is Christoph. 627 00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:30,569 -[Jamie] Jenny, let's go! -[Cooper] Come on, move it! 628 00:34:31,528 --> 00:34:34,239 Those are my friends. We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin-- 629 00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:36,408 -[Cooper] Jenny! -[screams] I'm coming! 630 00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:39,911 So, it was really nice to meet you. 631 00:34:40,453 --> 00:34:41,830 The pleasure was all mine... 632 00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:45,041 Jennifer. 633 00:34:56,636 --> 00:34:59,097 ["Ca Plane Pour Moi" playing] 634 00:35:04,728 --> 00:35:06,313 [train whistling] 635 00:35:29,711 --> 00:35:31,963 [singing] ♪ Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me ♪ 636 00:35:32,547 --> 00:35:35,008 ♪ Do it in my van on Sundays ♪ 637 00:35:35,383 --> 00:35:36,468 ♪ Tells him she's-- ♪ 638 00:35:37,010 --> 00:35:38,136 What? 639 00:35:38,845 --> 00:35:40,847 You gotta admit, it's a really catchy tune. 640 00:35:43,224 --> 00:35:44,309 ♪ Tells him she's in church ♪ 641 00:35:44,643 --> 00:35:46,478 -♪ But she doesn't go ♪ -♪ But she doesn't go ♪ 642 00:35:46,603 --> 00:35:48,730 -♪ Still she's on her knees ♪ -♪ Still she's on her knees ♪ 643 00:35:48,813 --> 00:35:52,859 -♪ And Scotty doesn't know ♪ -♪ And Scotty doesn't know ♪ 644 00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,110 Buongiorno. 645 00:35:58,156 --> 00:36:00,575 -Buongiorno. -[door shuts] 646 00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:10,543 You know, there are a lot of other empty compartments. 647 00:36:11,086 --> 00:36:12,128 Huh? 648 00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:15,340 Ah, si. Si. 649 00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:21,429 [music playing] 650 00:36:31,481 --> 00:36:33,149 [train chugging] 651 00:36:44,828 --> 00:36:45,912 [Jamie clears throat] 652 00:36:49,332 --> 00:36:51,084 -Pardon me. -Eh? 653 00:36:53,128 --> 00:36:54,337 Ah. 654 00:36:54,921 --> 00:36:56,256 Mi scusi. 655 00:36:57,340 --> 00:36:58,800 Mi scusi. 656 00:37:04,931 --> 00:37:07,726 -[squeals] -[Jamie grunting] 657 00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:26,536 -Hi. -Buongiorno. 658 00:37:32,876 --> 00:37:34,043 [train chugging] 659 00:37:38,757 --> 00:37:40,467 -What-- what the hell are you doing? -Oh. 660 00:37:40,550 --> 00:37:42,260 Mi scusi, mi scusi. 661 00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:45,930 -No! No, no, no, no, no! -Mi scusi, mi scusi, mi scusi, mi scusi. 662 00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:47,640 -Uh-oh. -What? 663 00:37:47,974 --> 00:37:49,267 Big tunnel. 664 00:37:52,604 --> 00:37:53,730 [Jamie] Who's touching me? 665 00:37:53,813 --> 00:37:55,774 -Scotty, is that you? -[Jenny squealing] 666 00:37:56,107 --> 00:37:57,901 -[Jamie] Who's touching me? Scotty! -[Cooper] Scotty! 667 00:37:58,193 --> 00:37:59,152 ["Hot Stuff" playing] 668 00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:02,572 ♪ Gonna need your love tonight ♪ 669 00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:05,200 [screaming] 670 00:38:07,327 --> 00:38:08,411 Mi scusi. 671 00:38:24,511 --> 00:38:26,721 [Scott] Crans Sur Mer. We change trains here. 672 00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:28,681 [birds chirping] 673 00:38:28,932 --> 00:38:31,309 Well, we got a couple of hours to kill. 674 00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:33,686 -What's there to see in this town? -[Jamie chuckles] 675 00:38:33,770 --> 00:38:36,272 Hello? The Monument des Poissonières. 676 00:38:36,689 --> 00:38:39,567 It's a monument to all the local fishermen that were lost at sea. 677 00:38:40,109 --> 00:38:42,779 Frommer's says it's supposed to be... "quite moving." 678 00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:45,949 What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? 679 00:38:46,324 --> 00:38:48,660 We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue. 680 00:38:49,702 --> 00:38:52,997 I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when the train gets here. 681 00:38:53,414 --> 00:38:54,332 Huh. 682 00:38:54,457 --> 00:38:56,251 Says here, this town has a famous nude beach. 683 00:38:56,334 --> 00:38:58,878 All right, look, we can't all just lie around all day. 684 00:38:58,962 --> 00:39:01,756 We gotta get out there and experience the culture firsthand. 685 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,174 Let's go exploring! 686 00:39:06,928 --> 00:39:08,972 So, what's the etiquette on boners? 687 00:39:09,597 --> 00:39:11,307 Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, 688 00:39:11,391 --> 00:39:13,560 or is it cool to just let my flag fly? 689 00:39:14,894 --> 00:39:16,813 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 690 00:39:17,146 --> 00:39:19,148 Does nude beach mean we have to get naked, too? 691 00:39:19,816 --> 00:39:20,900 Of course. 692 00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:22,902 Do you think you can go an hour 693 00:39:22,986 --> 00:39:24,737 without your currency colostomy bag? 694 00:39:25,071 --> 00:39:28,324 Hey! Hey, as long as this thing has our money and our passports in it, 695 00:39:28,616 --> 00:39:31,870 it's not coming off, and I don't think my trunks are coming off, either. 696 00:39:31,995 --> 00:39:33,371 Oh, come on, Jamie. 697 00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:34,998 You came all the way to Europe. 698 00:39:35,582 --> 00:39:36,666 Can't wimp out now. 699 00:39:39,586 --> 00:39:42,297 -Okay. -All right, on the count of three. 700 00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:43,506 -Here we go. -[clears throat] 701 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,383 Three, two, one... 702 00:39:45,717 --> 00:39:48,094 -[Cooper chuckling] Look at Jamie's penis! -[Scott chuckling] 703 00:39:48,261 --> 00:39:51,014 -Very funny. Very funny. -All right. All right. 704 00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:52,515 [clears throat] 705 00:39:53,141 --> 00:39:55,894 Let the crazy European sex odyssey begin. 706 00:39:56,019 --> 00:39:57,103 -Here we go. -Really? 707 00:39:57,186 --> 00:39:58,229 -Yes. -Mm-hmm. 708 00:40:01,774 --> 00:40:02,692 [all] Whoo! 709 00:40:02,984 --> 00:40:06,070 [Cooper] Hello, ladies! 710 00:40:06,779 --> 00:40:07,947 [clamoring] 711 00:40:10,658 --> 00:40:13,202 -Ladies? -Bitches? 712 00:40:14,203 --> 00:40:16,706 [Scott] Ugh! What a rip! There's no nude girls here, 713 00:40:16,789 --> 00:40:18,750 it's just guys like us looking for nude girls. 714 00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:20,043 I don't understand. 715 00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:23,963 "Crans Sur Mer has one of the best nude beaches on the continent. 716 00:40:24,547 --> 00:40:25,632 However... 717 00:40:29,302 --> 00:40:31,220 during the summer months, all the European women 718 00:40:31,304 --> 00:40:33,473 are chased away by gawking male tourists, 719 00:40:33,723 --> 00:40:37,101 so, Europe's most nubile exhibitionists head to the deserted beach 720 00:40:37,226 --> 00:40:39,562 right next to the Monument des Poissonières." 721 00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:44,859 [girls squealing, laughing] 722 00:40:47,737 --> 00:40:50,448 -The monument is very moving. -Let's make out. 723 00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:58,873 There's so many penises. 724 00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:02,460 Frommer's tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen. 725 00:41:02,752 --> 00:41:04,837 This is the biggest sausage fest on Earth. 726 00:41:04,963 --> 00:41:07,131 It's the international house of sausage. 727 00:41:07,674 --> 00:41:08,758 [Jenny] Hey! 728 00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:12,011 Thanks for waiting. 729 00:41:12,303 --> 00:41:13,846 Well, it's not like you're missing anything. 730 00:41:13,930 --> 00:41:14,931 It's all guys. 731 00:41:15,848 --> 00:41:17,850 Huh. At least, the sun's out. 732 00:41:23,898 --> 00:41:26,109 ♪ My dreams come true ♪ 733 00:41:26,484 --> 00:41:29,570 ♪ True, true, true, true, true True, true, true, true, true ♪ 734 00:41:30,989 --> 00:41:33,408 ["Make My Dreams Come True" playing] 735 00:41:36,744 --> 00:41:39,330 ♪ And make my dreams come true ♪ 736 00:41:39,414 --> 00:41:43,084 -♪ True, true, true, true, true, true ♪ -♪ Dreams come true ♪ 737 00:41:46,045 --> 00:41:47,088 Holy crap! 738 00:41:47,422 --> 00:41:49,632 What? I thought this is a nude beach. 739 00:41:50,717 --> 00:41:55,346 No! 740 00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:57,265 -[thud] -[Jamie groaning] 741 00:41:57,348 --> 00:41:58,224 -Huh? -[Jamie] No. 742 00:41:58,307 --> 00:42:00,560 -What? What are you doing? -No. No, Jenny, you gotta cover up. 743 00:42:00,685 --> 00:42:01,853 Cover up, cover up, cover up. 744 00:42:02,145 --> 00:42:03,563 [all] Girl? 745 00:42:03,980 --> 00:42:04,939 [all clamoring] Girl! 746 00:42:07,025 --> 00:42:09,944 [all] Girl... girl, girl. 747 00:42:10,153 --> 00:42:12,697 Girl... girl... 748 00:42:12,905 --> 00:42:15,158 -Run! -[Jenny screams] 749 00:42:17,618 --> 00:42:19,120 [men chanting] Girl, girl... 750 00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:20,705 [groans] 751 00:42:21,164 --> 00:42:22,373 I'm not gonna make it. 752 00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:24,500 -Go on without me. -All right. See ya. 753 00:42:25,084 --> 00:42:26,419 [screams] 754 00:42:28,629 --> 00:42:29,881 Chica! 755 00:42:30,673 --> 00:42:32,717 [men chanting continues] 756 00:42:37,764 --> 00:42:40,349 [man] Chica! Chica! 757 00:42:43,436 --> 00:42:46,189 ["Les Promesses" playing] 758 00:42:49,734 --> 00:42:52,111 Are you reading, uh, Mieke's old emails again? 759 00:42:52,528 --> 00:42:53,988 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 760 00:42:55,281 --> 00:42:59,327 [chuckles] I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her. 761 00:43:00,953 --> 00:43:02,705 You know, she said I might be the one? 762 00:43:04,207 --> 00:43:05,208 That's huge. 763 00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:08,086 I've never been "the one" before. 764 00:43:09,629 --> 00:43:12,340 Thought maybe, I was "the one" with Fiona, but it turns out I was more like, what, 765 00:43:12,673 --> 00:43:14,926 -Hundred and one? Two hundred. [chuckles] -Two hundred. 766 00:43:15,885 --> 00:43:18,137 Look, you got nothing to worry about. 767 00:43:18,471 --> 00:43:21,224 You'll show up and sweep her off her German feet. 768 00:43:23,476 --> 00:43:24,644 Thanks. 769 00:43:32,527 --> 00:43:33,694 Yeah. 770 00:43:35,029 --> 00:43:36,239 I will, won't I? 771 00:43:39,659 --> 00:43:41,160 I'm so sad and lonely. 772 00:43:42,328 --> 00:43:46,499 I just wish someone would show up and sweep me off my German feet. 773 00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,502 -Mieke! I'm here. -[dramatic music playing] 774 00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:52,547 -Scotty! -Mieke, listen. About that last email. 775 00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:55,007 -I'm so sorry-- -The past is the past. 776 00:43:55,424 --> 00:43:56,551 You're here now. 777 00:43:57,260 --> 00:43:59,262 I've been saving myself for you. 778 00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:03,558 Let us make love for one whole month. 779 00:44:04,433 --> 00:44:07,645 ["Du" playing] 780 00:44:07,937 --> 00:44:09,147 Touch me, Scotty. 781 00:44:13,151 --> 00:44:14,193 Okay. 782 00:44:33,004 --> 00:44:34,213 Oh, Scotty... 783 00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:37,216 -Mi bello. -[sighs] 784 00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:42,263 -[moaning] -Mi bello. 785 00:44:44,390 --> 00:44:46,184 Mi bello. 786 00:44:47,643 --> 00:44:49,020 Mi bello. 787 00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:56,235 -[gasps] -Mi scusi. 788 00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:57,737 [both scream] 789 00:44:57,904 --> 00:44:59,822 [all screaming] 790 00:45:01,324 --> 00:45:02,325 ["Hot Stuff" playing] 791 00:45:02,533 --> 00:45:05,703 ♪ Hot stuff, baby this evenin' ♪ 792 00:45:06,495 --> 00:45:08,289 ♪ Gotta have some hot stuff ♪ 793 00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:12,460 -♪ Gotta have some love tonight ♪ -♪ Hot stuff ♪ 794 00:45:30,144 --> 00:45:32,521 [Scott] So, guys, our train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning. 795 00:45:32,688 --> 00:45:33,856 Where are we gonna sleep tonight? 796 00:45:34,273 --> 00:45:35,608 [Cooper] What do you mean, sleep? 797 00:45:35,983 --> 00:45:37,735 We can sleep on the train tomorrow. 798 00:45:38,027 --> 00:45:39,737 This is the best thing that could've happened to us. 799 00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:40,947 We're in Amsterdam! 800 00:45:41,155 --> 00:45:43,449 This is the drug and sex capital of Europe! 801 00:45:44,617 --> 00:45:45,701 Take a look at this. 802 00:45:48,871 --> 00:45:51,332 "Club Vandersexxx." 803 00:45:51,540 --> 00:45:54,126 "The red-light district's hottest sex club." 804 00:45:54,627 --> 00:45:56,754 We have to check it out. Who's with me? 805 00:45:57,463 --> 00:45:58,589 I'll go. 806 00:45:59,257 --> 00:46:02,802 Fine. Since no one else is willing to go, I'll just go myself. 807 00:46:03,094 --> 00:46:05,596 ["The Bad Touch" playing] 808 00:46:17,024 --> 00:46:19,694 ♪ You, I see ♪ 809 00:46:20,528 --> 00:46:23,614 ♪ Sitting waiting for me ♪ 810 00:46:24,490 --> 00:46:27,201 This is definitely where I parked my car. 811 00:46:28,077 --> 00:46:29,787 ["Tonight" playing] 812 00:46:30,579 --> 00:46:31,789 [Madame Vandersexxx] Hello there. 813 00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:36,210 Welcome to Club Vandersexxx, 814 00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:39,297 Amsterdam's most erotic club, 815 00:46:39,755 --> 00:46:42,800 where your every fantasy will be fulfilled. 816 00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:45,553 Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer. 817 00:46:49,015 --> 00:46:49,974 He's American. 818 00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:55,438 How sad for you to grow up in a country that was founded by prudes. 819 00:46:56,188 --> 00:46:59,150 A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. 820 00:47:00,109 --> 00:47:02,987 A country where a man is forced to make sex 821 00:47:03,070 --> 00:47:04,572 to only one woman at a time, 822 00:47:04,655 --> 00:47:07,783 and one must learn the woman's name beforehand. 823 00:47:08,367 --> 00:47:10,453 -It was horrible. -Mm-hmm, I know. 824 00:47:11,412 --> 00:47:13,539 But you can come with me, 825 00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:16,751 and let the Vandersexxx begin. 826 00:47:19,879 --> 00:47:20,755 [moans] 827 00:47:21,130 --> 00:47:24,300 ♪ Marijuana in my soul ♪ 828 00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:26,677 ♪ Marijuana in my... ♪ 829 00:47:26,802 --> 00:47:28,387 [Scott] I can't believe we're doing this. 830 00:47:28,721 --> 00:47:31,766 [Jenny] Don't worry. Hash brownies are totally legal here. 831 00:47:31,891 --> 00:47:33,309 ["I Love Marijuana" playing] 832 00:47:33,392 --> 00:47:36,145 You're gonna enjoy these, man. These are magical. [clicks tongue] 833 00:47:36,270 --> 00:47:39,065 ♪ I like to smoke marijuana ♪ 834 00:47:39,774 --> 00:47:41,692 ♪ It gives me a deep... ♪ 835 00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:43,194 -You wanna do this? Uh-huh. -Yeah. 836 00:47:45,154 --> 00:47:46,238 [bell chimes] 837 00:47:48,991 --> 00:47:50,242 -Hi. -Hi. 838 00:47:50,576 --> 00:47:52,495 I need a new battery for my camera. 839 00:47:52,661 --> 00:47:54,872 And while you're at it, it could use a thorough cleaning. 840 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:56,957 Wow. 841 00:47:57,958 --> 00:47:59,585 Is that a Leica M6? 842 00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:02,671 Actually, it's an M7. It's got the built-in light meter. 843 00:48:04,340 --> 00:48:05,508 It's so beautiful. 844 00:48:06,759 --> 00:48:08,677 So sleek, so powerful. 845 00:48:09,887 --> 00:48:12,098 -How's the new lens system? -[chuckles] 846 00:48:13,057 --> 00:48:14,975 Makes a Nikon look like a disposable. 847 00:48:16,268 --> 00:48:17,645 You really know your cameras. 848 00:48:19,522 --> 00:48:20,648 And you're very cute. 849 00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:23,192 Me? Really? 850 00:48:24,443 --> 00:48:25,653 I'm going on a break. 851 00:48:26,195 --> 00:48:28,114 I was going to step out back and have a cigarette. 852 00:48:28,948 --> 00:48:30,032 Would you like to join me? 853 00:48:31,700 --> 00:48:32,868 [stammers] I don't smoke. 854 00:48:34,203 --> 00:48:35,204 Neither do I. 855 00:48:35,329 --> 00:48:36,831 [music playing] 856 00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:43,879 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 857 00:48:44,547 --> 00:48:45,589 What is it? 858 00:48:46,298 --> 00:48:47,341 This is great! 859 00:48:48,342 --> 00:48:49,552 You're so innocent. 860 00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:53,431 Let's change that, shall we? 861 00:48:56,100 --> 00:48:57,393 What would you like me to do? 862 00:48:58,185 --> 00:49:00,354 W-- whoa, well, I don't really know, 863 00:49:00,438 --> 00:49:02,398 I gue-- I guess, I really haven't done that much. 864 00:49:02,690 --> 00:49:06,402 Um, I haven't really found the time, with all my-- all my extracurriculars, 865 00:49:06,485 --> 00:49:10,865 and model UN, advanced placement classes, after-school tutor-- 866 00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:12,950 [moans] 867 00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:16,287 Gosh, you really like cameras! 868 00:49:17,037 --> 00:49:20,875 Sometimes, we find that our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure, 869 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:23,752 that they sometimes scream out, "no," 870 00:49:23,919 --> 00:49:26,338 -when really they mean, "yes." -Uh-huh. 871 00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:29,467 And this is why we have the safe word. 872 00:49:31,177 --> 00:49:32,344 The "safe word"? 873 00:49:33,554 --> 00:49:37,892 If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, you just use the safe word. 874 00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,605 Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop. 875 00:49:43,689 --> 00:49:46,066 -Yeah, right. Stop. All right. -[woman chuckles] 876 00:49:46,650 --> 00:49:48,527 -We're going to start slowly... -[chain rattling] 877 00:49:48,903 --> 00:49:50,070 ...teasing you 878 00:49:50,571 --> 00:49:53,282 -with a little light erotic foreplay. -Oh. 879 00:49:53,407 --> 00:49:56,118 Wee! [chuckles] Oh, oh. 880 00:49:56,327 --> 00:49:58,329 [chuckles] Yes, ladies! 881 00:49:58,871 --> 00:50:00,956 On, on, Vandersexxx! 882 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:02,458 [metal rock music playing] 883 00:50:04,043 --> 00:50:05,503 [static crackling] 884 00:50:08,380 --> 00:50:10,090 Hans! Gruber! 885 00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:15,846 Hi. 886 00:50:26,607 --> 00:50:29,151 So, are the girls com-- coming back? 887 00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:32,238 Administer the testicle clamps! 888 00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:34,156 Huh? What? Hey! 889 00:50:38,327 --> 00:50:41,163 -[crackles] -[machine whirring] 890 00:50:41,622 --> 00:50:42,581 Safe word! 891 00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:51,340 What is that? 892 00:50:51,590 --> 00:50:55,511 That's not a word, it's a, "Fluggen-kliggin-kien?" 893 00:50:55,761 --> 00:50:58,347 -"Flugga--" Ow! Ow! Ow! [groaning] -[static crackling] 894 00:50:58,681 --> 00:51:00,266 [screams] Flugga! 895 00:51:00,349 --> 00:51:02,893 [moans, chuckles] 896 00:51:03,644 --> 00:51:05,521 Oh. [moans] 897 00:51:06,272 --> 00:51:08,315 -Okay, mister, don't move. -Excuse me? 898 00:51:08,566 --> 00:51:09,608 Shut the hell up! 899 00:51:09,984 --> 00:51:11,443 Oh, brother! Please don't hurt me. 900 00:51:11,986 --> 00:51:14,738 Oh, no, no-- no, you-- you're fine. That's good. You're fine. 901 00:51:15,281 --> 00:51:16,949 Give me cash. You got cash? Give me cash. 902 00:51:17,032 --> 00:51:19,368 Uh, take it all, you dirty girl. 903 00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:22,705 What? Your wallet! Focus! 904 00:51:24,582 --> 00:51:26,500 -Give it to me. -[moans] 905 00:51:26,875 --> 00:51:28,460 Oh, I love you! 906 00:51:29,044 --> 00:51:30,254 I love you! 907 00:51:30,462 --> 00:51:33,340 I Lo-- I love you! 908 00:51:33,465 --> 00:51:35,718 I love you! 909 00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:40,139 [Jenny laughing] 910 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:45,811 [laughs] 911 00:51:48,105 --> 00:51:51,650 -What's so funny? [laughs] -[laughs] 912 00:51:52,901 --> 00:51:54,820 [laughing becomes distorted] 913 00:51:57,406 --> 00:52:00,909 Hmm. I'm really hungry. I think I've got the munchies. 914 00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:04,079 -Excuse me. Oh. -Huh? 915 00:52:05,497 --> 00:52:07,666 It's hot in here. You hot? 'Cause I'm-- I'm really hot. 916 00:52:07,750 --> 00:52:10,419 -[moans] So good. -Okay, I can't breathe! God! 917 00:52:10,586 --> 00:52:11,712 I'm freaking out! 918 00:52:11,795 --> 00:52:13,881 And I think we got a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out. 919 00:52:14,048 --> 00:52:15,799 [gasping] I can't-- I can't do this. 920 00:52:16,759 --> 00:52:20,179 I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. 921 00:52:20,929 --> 00:52:24,016 The girls never came. The girls never came! 922 00:52:24,516 --> 00:52:27,353 I am freaking out! [gasping] 923 00:52:27,811 --> 00:52:30,898 -Everything all right with you, man? -No, nothing's all right. 924 00:52:31,148 --> 00:52:34,902 You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. You're a bad, bad Rastafarian. 925 00:52:35,277 --> 00:52:37,863 These are not hash brownies. 926 00:52:38,489 --> 00:52:39,531 Hmm? 927 00:52:41,158 --> 00:52:44,244 -What was that? -We do not serve hash brownies here. 928 00:52:44,328 --> 00:52:46,121 We're a simple Dutch bakery! 929 00:52:50,542 --> 00:52:52,127 Now put your clothes back on, white boy! 930 00:52:54,046 --> 00:52:56,840 -Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! [groaning] -[toy clanking] 931 00:52:56,965 --> 00:52:59,510 -"Fluggengegeholen!" -[toy clanking] 932 00:53:00,803 --> 00:53:02,763 Did you say fluggegecheimen? 933 00:53:03,055 --> 00:53:04,223 Yes! Yes! 934 00:53:04,431 --> 00:53:06,767 -For the love of God, fluggengecheimen! -[toy clanking stops] 935 00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,728 -Are you sure? -Yes, please. 936 00:53:10,854 --> 00:53:11,855 As you wish. 937 00:53:13,482 --> 00:53:15,484 Bring on the fluggegecheimen! 938 00:53:16,151 --> 00:53:18,112 -[machine whirring] -[clanks] 939 00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:20,114 Wait, what? What-- 940 00:53:20,948 --> 00:53:22,074 Uh-oh. 941 00:53:23,492 --> 00:53:26,161 No, no, no, no, no, no! I didn't say fluggegecheimen... 942 00:53:26,328 --> 00:53:28,914 -[machine whirs] -...I said, uh... 943 00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:31,166 [speaking indistinctly] 944 00:53:34,837 --> 00:53:37,297 -[screams] -[clanks] 945 00:53:47,641 --> 00:53:49,017 What'd you do last night? 946 00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:52,813 I don't want to talk about it. 947 00:53:53,856 --> 00:53:54,898 What did you guys do? 948 00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:57,151 -Don't want to talk about it. -Don't want to talk about it. 949 00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:00,446 What is that? 950 00:54:01,864 --> 00:54:02,906 Free T-shirt. 951 00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:04,992 [upbeat music playing] 952 00:54:08,162 --> 00:54:09,329 Hey, guys. 953 00:54:11,081 --> 00:54:13,542 -What happened to you? -I got robbed. 954 00:54:14,585 --> 00:54:15,919 It was awesome! 955 00:54:17,796 --> 00:54:20,132 [Jenny] All our money, our passports, our tickets, 956 00:54:20,507 --> 00:54:21,925 everything, gone! 957 00:54:23,886 --> 00:54:25,512 How the hell could this happen? 958 00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:28,599 We all go to Amsterdam, and Jamie's the one who hooks up! 959 00:54:30,267 --> 00:54:31,518 For shame! 960 00:54:34,938 --> 00:54:35,981 [phone ringing] 961 00:54:40,944 --> 00:54:41,945 That's me. 962 00:54:46,241 --> 00:54:47,659 Coop here. Sorry. 963 00:54:48,243 --> 00:54:50,204 Hello, Mr. Walters. 964 00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:54,458 What do you mean you never got the Gutterman file? 965 00:54:54,583 --> 00:54:56,168 I told, uh, Humphrey to give it to you. 966 00:54:56,710 --> 00:54:59,671 That's hogwash. I-- I handed it to him myself yesterday. 967 00:55:00,964 --> 00:55:03,759 Yes, sir, I will tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately. 968 00:55:04,218 --> 00:55:05,260 Bye. 969 00:55:07,679 --> 00:55:09,765 -This job's killing me. -[horn blaring] 970 00:55:18,357 --> 00:55:20,818 [speaking German] 971 00:55:21,276 --> 00:55:23,403 -Um... -[Scott] Uh, let me handle this. 972 00:55:23,946 --> 00:55:25,072 I speak bad German. 973 00:55:26,198 --> 00:55:28,116 -Hallo. -Hallo. 974 00:55:31,703 --> 00:55:32,746 Um... 975 00:55:33,205 --> 00:55:35,082 [in German] My German is ill... 976 00:55:35,457 --> 00:55:38,126 but I can understand you if the speaking is slowly. 977 00:55:38,794 --> 00:55:40,087 [in German] German! [chuckles] 978 00:55:40,462 --> 00:55:43,715 I've been driving for 14 hours straight and I haven't slept in three days, 979 00:55:43,841 --> 00:55:48,846 and I am wired on schnapps, Benzedrine, and those chocolate covered peanuts. 980 00:55:49,972 --> 00:55:52,182 -What did he say? -He said he's driving... 981 00:55:52,307 --> 00:55:53,183 -Oh. -[Scott] ...something. 982 00:55:53,559 --> 00:55:54,893 Yeah. [chuckles] 983 00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:58,605 [in German] Uh, do you know where is Berlin? 984 00:55:58,981 --> 00:56:00,065 Berlin? 985 00:56:00,524 --> 00:56:02,484 Berlin? Yes, I know it well. 986 00:56:02,568 --> 00:56:05,737 I stabbed a woman in a bar in Berlin. [chuckles] 987 00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:08,824 But I am going nowhere near Berlin. [chuckles] 988 00:56:08,991 --> 00:56:11,201 -Berlin? Berlin. -Berlin! 989 00:56:11,660 --> 00:56:17,374 I also sexually assaulted a horse in Berlin. [chuckles] 990 00:56:17,457 --> 00:56:19,042 -He's going to Berlin! -Awesome! 991 00:56:19,293 --> 00:56:21,378 [in German] Nowhere near Berlin! 992 00:56:21,503 --> 00:56:23,505 -[Cooper] All right! Berlin! -Thank you. Come on, 993 00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:24,506 -let's go! -[Jenny] Whoa! 994 00:56:24,965 --> 00:56:26,925 [chuckles] 995 00:56:27,551 --> 00:56:30,012 [in German] I'll drive this truck off a cliff... 996 00:56:31,096 --> 00:56:32,556 before I ever go back to Berlin. 997 00:56:33,181 --> 00:56:34,892 Next stop, Berlin! 998 00:56:38,645 --> 00:56:41,398 ["Keine Uberdosis Deutschland" playing] 999 00:56:56,663 --> 00:57:00,459 [sighs] Beautiful! We made it to Berlin. 1000 00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:03,378 [in German] Yeah. Berlin! [chuckles] 1001 00:57:04,046 --> 00:57:07,507 No one from Berlin will ever find me in Bratislava. 1002 00:57:07,841 --> 00:57:09,301 -Bratislava? -Yeah. 1003 00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:11,553 Bratislava! 1004 00:57:17,476 --> 00:57:19,436 [Scott] Dear sweet mother of God. 1005 00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:22,064 We're in Eastern Europe. 1006 00:57:22,189 --> 00:57:24,524 ["The Sacred War" playing] 1007 00:57:24,733 --> 00:57:26,109 -[water splashes] -[Jenny shuddering] 1008 00:57:33,241 --> 00:57:35,077 [dog growling] 1009 00:57:43,085 --> 00:57:44,336 Excuse me. 1010 00:57:45,003 --> 00:57:46,421 You, uh, you speak any English? 1011 00:57:47,923 --> 00:57:49,299 You are Americans? 1012 00:57:50,008 --> 00:57:50,926 Yeah. 1013 00:57:51,802 --> 00:57:52,886 I love America. 1014 00:57:54,262 --> 00:57:57,641 We just get Miami Vice on television. 1015 00:57:57,849 --> 00:58:00,602 Hey, man, Miami Vice is number one new show. 1016 00:58:00,894 --> 00:58:03,105 -[chuckling] -Yeah. Um, 1017 00:58:03,230 --> 00:58:05,983 listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. 1018 00:58:06,066 --> 00:58:08,193 Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon? 1019 00:58:08,527 --> 00:58:11,446 Oh, yes, very soon. They are building it now. 1020 00:58:12,072 --> 00:58:14,199 [clears throat, sniffles] 1021 00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:17,327 Stop! Hammer time! 1022 00:58:19,079 --> 00:58:20,372 Enjoy Bratislava! 1023 00:58:20,872 --> 00:58:22,791 It's good you came in summer. 1024 00:58:23,208 --> 00:58:25,961 In winter, it can get very depressing. 1025 00:58:27,629 --> 00:58:29,506 [Jenny] Okay, we gotta figure something out. 1026 00:58:29,631 --> 00:58:30,549 How much money do we have? 1027 00:58:36,304 --> 00:58:37,431 Frommer's travel tip. 1028 00:58:39,307 --> 00:58:40,434 I don't have anything. 1029 00:58:41,143 --> 00:58:42,561 What? I got nothing-- Fine. 1030 00:58:50,027 --> 00:58:51,903 A dollar and 83 cents American. 1031 00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:54,114 What are we gonna get with that? 1032 00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:56,283 [classical music playing] 1033 00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:03,373 Gotta love that exchange rate! 1034 00:59:05,083 --> 00:59:06,209 Yes. 1035 00:59:09,713 --> 00:59:10,922 [waiter] Dinner is served. 1036 00:59:11,465 --> 00:59:13,508 Would the masters care for anything else? 1037 00:59:13,967 --> 00:59:15,302 -Think we're good. Thanks. -[coin clinks] 1038 00:59:17,179 --> 00:59:20,223 Oh! A nickel! [chuckles] 1039 00:59:21,850 --> 00:59:22,726 You see this? 1040 00:59:24,227 --> 00:59:26,813 -I quit! [chuckles] -[groans] 1041 00:59:27,105 --> 00:59:29,775 I open my own hotel! 1042 00:59:38,033 --> 00:59:40,118 [Scott] So, we got 27 cents left. 1043 00:59:40,702 --> 00:59:42,120 What is there to do in this town? 1044 00:59:42,454 --> 00:59:44,790 ["Scotty Doesn't Know Euro Version" playing] 1045 00:59:49,002 --> 00:59:51,088 ♪ My Scotty, Scotty, Scotty ♪ 1046 00:59:52,464 --> 00:59:56,134 ♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1047 00:59:56,343 --> 00:59:58,011 ♪ Don't tell Scotty ♪ 1048 00:59:59,846 --> 01:00:01,223 ♪ Scotty doesn't know... ♪ 1049 01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:04,017 Hey, this song sounds familiar. 1050 01:00:04,184 --> 01:00:05,310 ♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1051 01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:08,021 Jenny, let me check your coat. 1052 01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:10,816 [indistinct chattering] 1053 01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:13,944 ["Horndog" playing] 1054 01:00:14,861 --> 01:00:16,780 -[Jenny] Hey! -[Cooper] Jenny! 1055 01:00:17,072 --> 01:00:20,158 That outfit is horrible! Just take it off. Now! 1056 01:00:20,242 --> 01:00:21,660 [laughs] 1057 01:00:22,619 --> 01:00:25,080 No, but I will let you buy me a drink. 1058 01:00:25,789 --> 01:00:26,915 [Christoph] Excuse me! 1059 01:00:28,917 --> 01:00:31,002 You are the woman from the Paris train station, aren't you? 1060 01:00:31,545 --> 01:00:32,754 -My name is-- -Christoph. 1061 01:00:33,088 --> 01:00:34,339 [chuckles] Yes. 1062 01:00:34,798 --> 01:00:37,092 -What are you doing here? -Well, this is my place. 1063 01:00:37,843 --> 01:00:40,011 My family owns many nightclubs throughout Europe. 1064 01:00:40,095 --> 01:00:42,764 I'd be honored if you'd join me in my V.I.P. room for a drink. 1065 01:00:43,557 --> 01:00:44,683 Okay. 1066 01:00:47,269 --> 01:00:48,436 Bye, Cooper. 1067 01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:58,071 -[Scott] What's that? -It's absinthe. 1068 01:00:58,446 --> 01:01:00,031 Frommer's says it's illegal in the States 1069 01:01:00,115 --> 01:01:02,075 because it makes you hallucinate and go crazy. 1070 01:01:02,951 --> 01:01:04,619 They call it "the green fairy." 1071 01:01:12,127 --> 01:01:14,171 My family has a yacht in the Aegean. 1072 01:01:14,838 --> 01:01:17,883 Come with me, Jennifer. We will sail away together. 1073 01:01:18,758 --> 01:01:19,801 Oh, my God! 1074 01:01:20,093 --> 01:01:23,221 We will swim with dolphins, and sip champagne by moonlight. 1075 01:01:24,097 --> 01:01:25,140 Oh, my God! 1076 01:01:25,557 --> 01:01:28,852 We'll spend the day sunbathing, drinking wine. 1077 01:01:29,769 --> 01:01:31,396 My wife makes the best sangria. 1078 01:01:32,105 --> 01:01:34,524 -Wait, what? -Sangria. 1079 01:01:35,358 --> 01:01:39,196 Well, you take a good Spanish Rioja, and you put in slices of orange, and-- 1080 01:01:39,279 --> 01:01:41,865 No, no, no, wait. You said you were married? 1081 01:01:43,408 --> 01:01:46,828 So, you just go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet? 1082 01:01:46,995 --> 01:01:49,080 No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that. 1083 01:01:49,664 --> 01:01:50,957 I also sleep with men. 1084 01:01:55,545 --> 01:01:57,255 I gotta say I'm not feeling anything. 1085 01:01:58,298 --> 01:01:59,424 Me neither. 1086 01:01:59,841 --> 01:02:01,134 Sober as a judge. 1087 01:02:01,468 --> 01:02:02,969 ♪ Hit me with the horndog... ♪ 1088 01:02:03,136 --> 01:02:06,181 -How 'bout you? -I'm not feeling a goddamn thing. 1089 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,433 This absinthe is bullshit! 1090 01:02:08,683 --> 01:02:10,268 -I hear you, my brother. -[dings] 1091 01:02:10,810 --> 01:02:11,978 I'm outta here. 1092 01:02:12,896 --> 01:02:13,939 Excuse me. 1093 01:02:14,522 --> 01:02:17,234 -Hey, so where's Christoph? -Shut up. 1094 01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:19,319 ♪ Hit me with the horndog Hit me with the horndog ♪ 1095 01:02:19,444 --> 01:02:20,779 ♪ Come on everybody get loose tonight ♪ 1096 01:02:20,862 --> 01:02:22,822 ♪ Throw a hand in the air If ya feelin' all right ♪ 1097 01:02:22,906 --> 01:02:24,950 ♪ We don't care if you stare 'Cause the music is tight ♪ 1098 01:02:25,075 --> 01:02:26,993 ♪ Lemme hear ya say, yeah We can do this right ♪ 1099 01:02:27,077 --> 01:02:28,495 ♪ Come on everybody get loose tonight ♪ 1100 01:02:28,578 --> 01:02:30,580 ♪ Throw a hand in the air If ya feelin' all right ♪ 1101 01:02:30,705 --> 01:02:32,666 ♪ We don't care if you stare 'Cause the music is tight ♪ 1102 01:02:32,749 --> 01:02:34,668 ♪ Lemme hear ya say, yeah We can do this right ♪ 1103 01:02:34,876 --> 01:02:38,004 ♪ Come on! Co-- co-- co Baby, come on! Co-- co-- co ♪ 1104 01:02:38,088 --> 01:02:39,172 ♪ Come on, co-- co... ♪ 1105 01:02:39,256 --> 01:02:41,424 -[Cooper] Europe! -[Scott] Europe! 1106 01:02:41,716 --> 01:02:43,218 [Jenny] Europe! 1107 01:02:44,970 --> 01:02:46,221 So, tomorrow, Berlin. 1108 01:02:46,846 --> 01:02:47,931 Tomorrow, Mieke! 1109 01:02:48,056 --> 01:02:51,309 ♪ How does it feel like ♪ 1110 01:02:51,476 --> 01:02:54,938 ♪ To sail in on the breeze... ♪ 1111 01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:56,648 Check it out. 1112 01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:58,692 [Cooper] No way! 1113 01:02:58,942 --> 01:03:01,945 Jamie's hooking up with another girl? Goddamn it! 1114 01:03:03,154 --> 01:03:05,198 It's just so unfair. I've been all over the place, 1115 01:03:05,282 --> 01:03:08,118 looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up getting-- 1116 01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:10,662 -Oh, my God! -Oh, my God! 1117 01:03:11,162 --> 01:03:13,331 ["Let Forever Be" playing] 1118 01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:17,168 That is some pretty fucked-up shit. 1119 01:03:27,345 --> 01:03:29,848 [scream] 1120 01:03:30,724 --> 01:03:33,727 They really are the worst twins ever. 1121 01:03:33,810 --> 01:03:35,687 [continue screaming] 1122 01:03:35,854 --> 01:03:38,648 [somber music playing] 1123 01:04:01,338 --> 01:04:03,631 That was a pretty wild night, eh? 1124 01:04:04,799 --> 01:04:07,135 Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild. 1125 01:04:10,055 --> 01:04:11,639 I know I was out of control. 1126 01:04:12,182 --> 01:04:16,227 -How about you guys? Did you, uh... -All right, look. We were really drunk, 1127 01:04:16,686 --> 01:04:18,938 things got a little crazy, and Jamie... 1128 01:04:19,939 --> 01:04:20,815 kissed me. 1129 01:04:22,108 --> 01:04:23,568 Let's just forget about it, okay? 1130 01:04:23,735 --> 01:04:26,029 Okay, fine. I'll-- I'll give it a rest. 1131 01:04:27,113 --> 01:04:28,198 [clears throat] 1132 01:04:28,656 --> 01:04:29,991 Jamie, could I borrow your Frommer's? 1133 01:04:36,164 --> 01:04:37,499 Oh, here it is. Bratislava. 1134 01:04:38,041 --> 01:04:40,001 Huh? Capital of Slovakia. 1135 01:04:40,710 --> 01:04:42,087 Oh, here's a fun fact. 1136 01:04:43,630 --> 01:04:45,632 You made out with your sister, man! 1137 01:04:45,882 --> 01:04:48,134 -Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! -Like two dogs in heat... 1138 01:04:48,218 --> 01:04:49,469 [Jamie screaming] 1139 01:04:49,552 --> 01:04:51,971 [car horn blaring "Dixie" theme] 1140 01:04:52,764 --> 01:04:55,433 My friends, where is the beef? [chuckles] 1141 01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:59,896 You go to Berlin? I'm your ride. 1142 01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:01,398 Hop in. 1143 01:05:04,317 --> 01:05:07,153 ["99 Red Balloons" playing] 1144 01:05:28,383 --> 01:05:30,969 [Scott] Hey. This is Mieke's apartment building. 1145 01:05:31,803 --> 01:05:33,346 Wish me all sorts of luck, guys. 1146 01:05:35,056 --> 01:05:36,266 You'll do great, Scotty. 1147 01:05:39,144 --> 01:05:40,186 Thanks. 1148 01:05:43,189 --> 01:05:44,774 [soft music playing] 1149 01:06:00,540 --> 01:06:02,584 I came all this way. I'm not gonna miss this. 1150 01:06:06,045 --> 01:06:08,089 -[bell ringing] -[door opens] 1151 01:06:10,133 --> 01:06:12,677 -Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run! -Stop. [chuckles] 1152 01:06:14,304 --> 01:06:15,722 [speaking German] 1153 01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:18,516 [speaking German loudly] 1154 01:06:24,981 --> 01:06:26,608 Hi, uh, my name is Scott Thomas. 1155 01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:28,985 I'm from America, and I'm here to see Mieke. 1156 01:06:29,360 --> 01:06:31,070 I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here. 1157 01:06:31,779 --> 01:06:34,574 -Do you know where she is? -She's gone for the summer. 1158 01:06:39,245 --> 01:06:40,288 Danke. 1159 01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:43,583 Danke! 1160 01:06:44,375 --> 01:06:47,045 [speaking German] 1161 01:06:49,797 --> 01:06:52,842 My daughter had intended to spend the summer in America, 1162 01:06:52,926 --> 01:06:54,928 looking at colleges and visiting some friends. 1163 01:06:55,345 --> 01:06:58,264 But several days ago, she suddenly changed her mind. 1164 01:06:58,389 --> 01:06:59,724 She would not tell me why. 1165 01:07:00,725 --> 01:07:01,976 I think I know why. 1166 01:07:04,687 --> 01:07:06,773 Heinrich. [speaking German] 1167 01:07:07,190 --> 01:07:08,107 Ja, Papa. 1168 01:07:08,358 --> 01:07:11,152 This is Heinrich. He's Mieke's stepbrother. 1169 01:07:11,986 --> 01:07:14,864 [Mieke's father] As I was saying, she packed up her bag and left. 1170 01:07:14,948 --> 01:07:16,157 It was all very sudden. 1171 01:07:16,366 --> 01:07:18,243 [Scott] Well, do you know where she is now? 1172 01:07:18,368 --> 01:07:20,995 [Father] As you know, she's always been very interested in the classics, 1173 01:07:21,079 --> 01:07:25,041 Greek and Roman literature and history, and she's always enjoyed the ocean, 1174 01:07:25,166 --> 01:07:28,419 so, she found a program that combines all her interests. 1175 01:07:28,503 --> 01:07:30,213 -Well, do you know where she is? -Mm. 1176 01:07:31,172 --> 01:07:34,634 Uh, she enrolled in a summer at sea program based in Rome. 1177 01:07:36,177 --> 01:07:37,220 Rome. 1178 01:07:38,388 --> 01:07:40,181 Okay, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then. 1179 01:07:40,265 --> 01:07:43,017 Unfortunately, Mieke's only in Rome for orientation. 1180 01:07:43,476 --> 01:07:46,229 Uh, tomorrow, her group boards a boat and she'll be gone for the summer, 1181 01:07:46,312 --> 01:07:49,399 and she'll be, uh, quite unreachable. 1182 01:07:50,108 --> 01:07:51,693 -[Heinrich thumping] -Unreachable. 1183 01:07:59,659 --> 01:08:01,703 Mieke's tour group goes to the Vatican tomorrow, 1184 01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:03,830 then she gets on that boat and she's gone. 1185 01:08:04,414 --> 01:08:05,456 So, it's over? 1186 01:08:05,873 --> 01:08:07,625 [somber music playing] 1187 01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:11,796 Uh, hey, thanks for sticking with me through all this, guys, but... 1188 01:08:12,630 --> 01:08:14,090 you should probably call your parents, 1189 01:08:14,465 --> 01:08:16,092 have them wire you some money and go home. 1190 01:08:17,677 --> 01:08:18,970 And what are you gonna do? 1191 01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:21,556 I'm going to Rome. 1192 01:08:23,266 --> 01:08:24,809 I'll walk, I'll hitchhike, 1193 01:08:25,351 --> 01:08:27,979 I'll swim if I have to, but I'm gonna get to Mieke somehow. 1194 01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:29,897 [music intensifies] 1195 01:08:33,234 --> 01:08:34,235 Maybe that'll help. 1196 01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:35,903 Where'd you get all that? 1197 01:08:36,571 --> 01:08:38,656 Wait. Where's your Leica? 1198 01:08:39,991 --> 01:08:41,868 -Sold it. -What? 1199 01:08:44,078 --> 01:08:46,414 You sold your Leica? But you loved that thing. 1200 01:08:46,497 --> 01:08:49,375 What-- what about your photo tour of Europe? What about the chateaus? 1201 01:08:49,834 --> 01:08:51,711 Chateaus have been there for 300 years. 1202 01:08:52,337 --> 01:08:53,838 Mieke's gone in 12 hours. 1203 01:08:57,467 --> 01:08:59,510 Come on, let's go! Frommer's says you're supposed to check in 1204 01:08:59,594 --> 01:09:01,429 three hours before any international flight. 1205 01:09:02,013 --> 01:09:04,307 Come here, guidebook! [grunts] Whoo! 1206 01:09:04,432 --> 01:09:05,433 We're going to Rome. 1207 01:09:05,516 --> 01:09:07,101 -We're going to Rome! -[laughs, squeals] 1208 01:09:08,227 --> 01:09:09,854 ["Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" playing] 1209 01:09:17,445 --> 01:09:18,988 ♪ Be my girl! ♪ 1210 01:09:19,447 --> 01:09:21,491 ♪ Be my girl! ♪ 1211 01:09:22,116 --> 01:09:26,412 ♪ Are you gonna be my girl? Yeah ♪ 1212 01:09:26,621 --> 01:09:28,081 ♪ Be my girl! ♪ 1213 01:09:28,581 --> 01:09:30,583 ♪ Be my girl ♪ 1214 01:09:31,209 --> 01:09:35,797 ♪ Are you gonna be my girl? Yeah ♪ 1215 01:09:39,050 --> 01:09:40,718 All right, summer-at-sea group. 1216 01:09:40,927 --> 01:09:42,929 Our tour begins in the Vatican museum. 1217 01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:44,472 This way, please. 1218 01:09:52,939 --> 01:09:54,023 There it is. 1219 01:09:57,068 --> 01:10:00,029 [guard] [speaking Italian] 1220 01:10:00,571 --> 01:10:03,658 This entrance is for private tour groups only. 1221 01:10:05,868 --> 01:10:08,371 Oh, but we are a private tour group. 1222 01:10:08,746 --> 01:10:10,623 We've come all the way from America. 1223 01:10:13,584 --> 01:10:16,129 That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded. 1224 01:10:18,464 --> 01:10:19,757 [groans] 1225 01:10:21,217 --> 01:10:22,760 Si, I can tell. 1226 01:10:23,803 --> 01:10:25,304 Very, very sad. 1227 01:10:26,347 --> 01:10:27,432 Yes, it is. 1228 01:10:28,307 --> 01:10:30,184 But if you are a tour, where is your guide? 1229 01:10:30,601 --> 01:10:32,353 We've got a fantastic tour guide. 1230 01:10:32,729 --> 01:10:35,148 -Right here. Ha-ha. [grunts] -What? No-- 1231 01:10:38,943 --> 01:10:41,446 The Vatican has been used as a papal residence 1232 01:10:41,529 --> 01:10:43,740 ever since the time of Emperor Constantine the Great 1233 01:10:43,865 --> 01:10:45,241 of the fifth century A.D.! 1234 01:10:47,326 --> 01:10:48,745 -[metal clanks] -[guard] speaking Italian] 1235 01:10:48,828 --> 01:10:50,705 Ah. Okay, um, 1236 01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:53,082 if you'll all follow me, please. [clears throat] 1237 01:10:57,170 --> 01:10:59,464 Have a very special day 1238 01:11:00,214 --> 01:11:03,342 for a very special little man. 1239 01:11:04,302 --> 01:11:05,344 Okay. 1240 01:11:08,222 --> 01:11:11,684 I can't believe that guy let us in. What a retard! 1241 01:11:11,809 --> 01:11:14,270 -Okay, let's go find Mieke. -Scusate. 1242 01:11:15,188 --> 01:11:17,940 One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick. 1243 01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:21,360 -Could you please take these peoples also? -[indistinct chatter] 1244 01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:22,820 [coughing] 1245 01:11:23,988 --> 01:11:27,116 -How big is Vatican City? -Point five square kilometers. 1246 01:11:27,617 --> 01:11:31,662 -Who built the colonnades? -Gian Lorenzo Bernini, 1656. 1247 01:11:31,829 --> 01:11:34,665 -Uh, where are the bathrooms? -Floors two, six and seven. 1248 01:11:34,832 --> 01:11:36,918 Next, I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals 1249 01:11:37,001 --> 01:11:39,754 elects a new pope. When this happens, white smoke 1250 01:11:39,879 --> 01:11:41,714 is sent up from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact... 1251 01:11:41,798 --> 01:11:43,466 Mieke's gotta be around here somewhere. 1252 01:11:44,801 --> 01:11:45,843 Let's go. 1253 01:11:54,685 --> 01:11:57,355 Behind me is the Appartamento Papale, 1254 01:11:57,438 --> 01:12:00,358 or "Papal Apartment." We're obviously not permitted. 1255 01:12:01,984 --> 01:12:04,529 -Excuse me, miss. What is this? -[tour guide] Oh. 1256 01:12:04,737 --> 01:12:06,364 That is the Bell of San Marco. 1257 01:12:06,572 --> 01:12:08,908 When the pope dies, the Cardinal Vicar of Rome 1258 01:12:08,991 --> 01:12:11,285 rings this bell to notify the people of Rome. 1259 01:12:11,702 --> 01:12:14,580 Next, we will view the Sistine Chapel. Follow me, please. 1260 01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,378 -[door closing] -Come on. I think I heard them. 1261 01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:21,963 Which way did they go? 1262 01:12:22,296 --> 01:12:24,507 That way. I'd stake my reputation on it. 1263 01:12:24,757 --> 01:12:26,050 Good enough for me. 1264 01:12:26,467 --> 01:12:27,552 Hey, check it out! 1265 01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:30,304 I wonder what this does. 1266 01:12:30,805 --> 01:12:33,391 It doesn't do anything, it's a rope. Come on, let's go. 1267 01:12:34,141 --> 01:12:35,768 [Cooper] They got a lot of old stuff here. 1268 01:12:36,143 --> 01:12:37,728 [bell tolls] 1269 01:12:43,776 --> 01:12:45,152 -Dio mio. -[tolling continues] 1270 01:12:45,778 --> 01:12:47,697 The Bell of San Marco! 1271 01:12:47,822 --> 01:12:49,073 [crowd clamoring] 1272 01:12:49,782 --> 01:12:51,242 The pope is dead! 1273 01:12:55,663 --> 01:12:56,664 Whoa. 1274 01:12:59,584 --> 01:13:00,668 She's not in here. 1275 01:13:01,752 --> 01:13:03,671 Let's go. We're definitely not supposed to be in here. 1276 01:13:03,838 --> 01:13:05,298 [Cooper] Hey, check this out! 1277 01:13:06,716 --> 01:13:08,634 -I'm the pope! -Cooper... 1278 01:13:09,427 --> 01:13:11,220 take off the pope hat. 1279 01:13:11,637 --> 01:13:15,141 -Oh, no. It's okay. I'm Catholic. -Cooper, take it off, goddammit! 1280 01:13:16,559 --> 01:13:21,063 Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain! Only I can forgive you now, my son. 1281 01:13:21,147 --> 01:13:22,440 Take that fudging thing off! 1282 01:13:22,565 --> 01:13:24,942 -The pope breaks an open-field tackle. -Stop it. Cooper. 1283 01:13:25,192 --> 01:13:27,445 -It's a Hail Mary, he catches at the 40... -Cooper, come here. 1284 01:13:27,612 --> 01:13:30,197 -the 30, the 20, the ten... -[groans] 1285 01:13:30,323 --> 01:13:32,491 Touchdown, pope! 1286 01:13:33,618 --> 01:13:35,745 The pope makes a two-point conversion. [chuckling] 1287 01:13:35,870 --> 01:13:39,040 -[Scott speaking indistinctly] -And, oh, my Lord! It's the pope, eight, 1288 01:13:39,290 --> 01:13:42,668 and the heathens, nothing! [chuckles] 1289 01:13:43,294 --> 01:13:45,546 How's you, sucka? 1290 01:13:45,755 --> 01:13:47,798 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh... 1291 01:13:48,049 --> 01:13:49,800 Cooper, the hat! The hat! 1292 01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:51,510 The hat is on fire! 1293 01:13:51,594 --> 01:13:53,429 ♪ We don't need no water Let the mother-- ♪ 1294 01:13:53,512 --> 01:13:54,597 I'm not kidding! Look! 1295 01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:57,266 Oh. Holy shit! 1296 01:13:58,851 --> 01:13:59,894 I don't want this! 1297 01:14:00,353 --> 01:14:01,938 The fireplace! Fireplace! Go, go! 1298 01:14:03,981 --> 01:14:05,441 -[fire igniting] -Whoa! 1299 01:14:13,491 --> 01:14:14,659 [man] White smoke! 1300 01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:17,954 They've elected the new pope! 1301 01:14:18,120 --> 01:14:19,413 [crowd clamoring] 1302 01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:23,042 I'm coming to you live from Vatican Square 1303 01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:25,586 where the College of Cardinals, in a surprise move, 1304 01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:27,838 has just elected a new pope. 1305 01:14:28,005 --> 01:14:30,257 The crowd is very, very excited. 1306 01:14:30,633 --> 01:14:32,343 This is so strange. 1307 01:14:32,635 --> 01:14:35,262 Usually they wait 15 days to elect a new pope. 1308 01:14:36,305 --> 01:14:37,974 We could be seeing history in the making! 1309 01:14:38,516 --> 01:14:40,601 We could be seeing an arrest in the making. 1310 01:14:41,852 --> 01:14:43,437 [coughs] 1311 01:14:48,901 --> 01:14:49,944 There she is. 1312 01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:51,737 Mieke. 1313 01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:55,408 Hey! Stupid curtain! [grunting] 1314 01:14:56,701 --> 01:14:58,494 Let me out! [groaning] 1315 01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:02,915 Mieke! 1316 01:15:03,916 --> 01:15:05,626 It's the new pope! 1317 01:15:06,252 --> 01:15:07,628 [crowd cheering] 1318 01:15:32,611 --> 01:15:34,613 -What the hell? -[crowd cheering over TV] 1319 01:15:39,994 --> 01:15:42,663 -Mieke! -[crowd gasps] 1320 01:15:43,956 --> 01:15:45,082 -[Scott] Hold on! -[metal clanks] 1321 01:15:51,589 --> 01:15:53,299 This is one crazy pope. 1322 01:15:53,758 --> 01:15:55,843 [grunts, screams] 1323 01:15:56,469 --> 01:15:57,636 [crowd gasping] 1324 01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:01,599 [thud] 1325 01:16:03,059 --> 01:16:04,060 [guard] You! 1326 01:16:04,310 --> 01:16:07,146 -Ferma! Stop! You! -[crowd speaking indistinctly] 1327 01:16:08,939 --> 01:16:12,401 You... and your retarded friend, 1328 01:16:12,902 --> 01:16:15,821 -you're in big, big trouble. -[Mad Maynard] Oi! 1329 01:16:15,905 --> 01:16:17,198 ["England 5 - Germany 1" playing] 1330 01:16:17,281 --> 01:16:19,325 ♪ England five, Germany one Michael Owen is number one... ♪ 1331 01:16:19,492 --> 01:16:21,535 Take your mitts off them boys! 1332 01:16:22,119 --> 01:16:23,329 They're with me! 1333 01:16:26,123 --> 01:16:28,959 I've just about had enough of you fuckin' Ities! 1334 01:16:30,336 --> 01:16:31,796 But I am Swiss! 1335 01:16:32,880 --> 01:16:33,964 Them, too! 1336 01:16:38,552 --> 01:16:39,845 [guard chuckles] 1337 01:16:40,596 --> 01:16:42,389 Now, bud, you get in there... 1338 01:16:43,182 --> 01:16:44,975 and you say what you got to say. 1339 01:16:46,727 --> 01:16:47,937 Mieke. I'm here. 1340 01:16:48,395 --> 01:16:49,396 I made it. 1341 01:16:53,109 --> 01:16:54,235 Who are you? 1342 01:16:54,902 --> 01:16:56,070 [crowd] Aw! 1343 01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:57,863 [Bert laughing] 1344 01:16:58,614 --> 01:17:01,951 What a fucking loser! I'm gonna videotape this. 1345 01:17:03,369 --> 01:17:04,620 Uh, I'm Scott. 1346 01:17:05,955 --> 01:17:07,123 From Ohio? 1347 01:17:07,540 --> 01:17:08,707 Scott? 1348 01:17:09,416 --> 01:17:10,793 [chuckles] Scott Thomas? 1349 01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:13,796 -Yes. -From Ohio? 1350 01:17:14,713 --> 01:17:17,550 -What are you doing in Rome? -[Scott] I came here to be with you. 1351 01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:20,761 Listen, I just traveled all the way across Europe. I-- 1352 01:17:20,886 --> 01:17:22,972 I got-- I got chased by naked men. 1353 01:17:23,430 --> 01:17:26,559 I ate brownies with absolutely no drugs in them. 1354 01:17:27,268 --> 01:17:29,478 I watched a brother and sister make out. 1355 01:17:31,063 --> 01:17:34,024 I-- I kicked a robot in the balls, but I did it all so that... 1356 01:17:35,109 --> 01:17:36,610 So, I could tell you one thing. 1357 01:17:40,156 --> 01:17:41,740 -I love you, Mieke. -[crowd] Aw! 1358 01:17:44,201 --> 01:17:46,495 We're perfect for each other. What do you think? 1359 01:17:48,831 --> 01:17:49,957 I think... 1360 01:18:01,051 --> 01:18:05,848 [both moaning] 1361 01:18:06,056 --> 01:18:08,559 -Oh, Mike. M-- Mieke! -[Mieke moaning] 1362 01:18:12,354 --> 01:18:14,815 -[Mieke moaning] Oh! -[Scott moaning] Oh, God! 1363 01:18:21,780 --> 01:18:23,866 [woman] Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 1364 01:18:24,283 --> 01:18:25,951 I have cheated on my husband. 1365 01:18:26,160 --> 01:18:28,621 Do you think God will ever forgive me? 1366 01:18:28,787 --> 01:18:30,497 Oh, yes! [moans] 1367 01:18:32,208 --> 01:18:35,294 -Father? -[both moaning] 1368 01:18:35,419 --> 01:18:37,338 -Father! [screams] -[thumps] 1369 01:18:38,255 --> 01:18:40,216 [moaning continues] 1370 01:18:44,011 --> 01:18:45,095 This sucks. 1371 01:18:45,763 --> 01:18:48,766 I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here. 1372 01:18:49,183 --> 01:18:51,310 Europe is officially the worst country on Earth. 1373 01:18:52,394 --> 01:18:53,395 I know. 1374 01:18:53,479 --> 01:18:56,607 I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex. 1375 01:19:00,861 --> 01:19:01,862 What? 1376 01:19:08,285 --> 01:19:10,621 [Mieke laughing] 1377 01:19:10,871 --> 01:19:13,123 -Scott, I have to go. -[Scott] Okay. 1378 01:19:13,666 --> 01:19:15,834 -[chuckles] My boat is leaving. -[Scott sighs] 1379 01:19:16,377 --> 01:19:18,921 [sighs] I still can't believe you came all the way here, 1380 01:19:19,421 --> 01:19:20,506 just for me. 1381 01:19:20,798 --> 01:19:23,884 What can I say? I'm very unpredictable. 1382 01:19:25,135 --> 01:19:26,595 Keep writing to me, Scott, okay? 1383 01:19:27,096 --> 01:19:28,138 Yeah, I will. 1384 01:19:35,646 --> 01:19:36,897 [both chuckle] 1385 01:19:40,150 --> 01:19:41,610 [upbeat music playing] 1386 01:19:47,574 --> 01:19:50,577 Yes! Yes! Yes! Woo-hoo! 1387 01:19:52,913 --> 01:19:55,874 Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got to take this trip together. 1388 01:19:56,500 --> 01:19:58,168 This was the best time of my life. 1389 01:19:58,502 --> 01:20:00,879 -[indistinct chatter] -[chuckles] 1390 01:20:02,548 --> 01:20:03,882 [Arthur] Excuse me. 1391 01:20:04,508 --> 01:20:07,428 You're the young man who gave me that tour of the Vatican, aren't you? 1392 01:20:10,139 --> 01:20:12,391 -Listen, I'm very sorry-- -I just wanted to thank you. 1393 01:20:13,309 --> 01:20:16,603 You were the most knowledgeable, albeit idiosyncratic, 1394 01:20:16,729 --> 01:20:18,397 tour guide I've ever had. 1395 01:20:18,897 --> 01:20:20,357 [chuckles] Thanks. 1396 01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:22,234 But I'm not actually a tour guide. 1397 01:20:22,818 --> 01:20:25,446 Um, I've just read Frommer's enough to have it memorized. 1398 01:20:25,654 --> 01:20:28,240 Although I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about. 1399 01:20:28,782 --> 01:20:29,950 How would you like to add them? 1400 01:20:30,909 --> 01:20:32,244 Excuse me? 1401 01:20:32,369 --> 01:20:34,663 That's my guidebook. 1402 01:20:40,336 --> 01:20:41,545 I'm Arthur Frommer. 1403 01:20:44,089 --> 01:20:45,257 [Jamie] It's amazing! 1404 01:20:45,758 --> 01:20:49,762 Frommer's is going to pay me to see every museum and cathedral in Europe. 1405 01:20:50,679 --> 01:20:53,223 -[chuckles] -That sounds so exciting... 1406 01:20:53,807 --> 01:20:55,476 -for you. -Hey. 1407 01:20:56,560 --> 01:20:58,020 I figured, since you're going to be staying, 1408 01:20:58,479 --> 01:20:59,563 you might need this. 1409 01:21:01,648 --> 01:21:03,567 -A disposable camera. -That's right. 1410 01:21:03,776 --> 01:21:04,735 Thanks, Scotty. 1411 01:21:04,902 --> 01:21:06,028 That's from both of us. 1412 01:21:06,862 --> 01:21:08,113 -[phone beeping] -[music playing] 1413 01:21:08,197 --> 01:21:10,115 ["Scotty Doesn't Know" playing on phone] 1414 01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:12,409 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1415 01:21:12,576 --> 01:21:14,453 ♪ So don't tell Scotty ♪ 1416 01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:16,163 Hello, Mr. Walters. 1417 01:21:17,206 --> 01:21:18,082 I see. 1418 01:21:18,749 --> 01:21:20,584 Fired? Well, I-- 1419 01:21:21,168 --> 01:21:24,630 Well, if that's what you want, I understand. I just... 1420 01:21:25,631 --> 01:21:26,673 Goodbye, sir. 1421 01:21:28,050 --> 01:21:30,427 -They had to catch you eventually, right? -No, they fired Humphrey. 1422 01:21:30,844 --> 01:21:32,971 -Shut up! -Yeah, I got his office and a raise. 1423 01:21:33,347 --> 01:21:34,431 -No! -[chuckles] 1424 01:21:34,681 --> 01:21:37,518 [female announcer over PA] Flight 341 from Rome to Cleveland... 1425 01:21:37,643 --> 01:21:39,561 -[Scott clears throat] -That's you guys. 1426 01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:41,563 -Have a good flight, everybody. -Come here. 1427 01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:43,607 [grunts] 1428 01:21:45,150 --> 01:21:46,193 Be good. 1429 01:21:48,070 --> 01:21:49,780 -Oh, okay. -[Cooper grunting] 1430 01:21:50,697 --> 01:21:52,616 -Cooper, have a good flight. -Be good. 1431 01:21:52,908 --> 01:21:53,951 Thanks. 1432 01:21:54,159 --> 01:21:57,454 ♪ Don't be sad ♪ 1433 01:21:58,497 --> 01:21:59,373 [Jenny chuckling] 1434 01:22:02,543 --> 01:22:04,336 [upbeat music playing] 1435 01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:28,444 I'm on it. 1436 01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:36,493 Whoa! 1437 01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:38,620 -[toilet door shuts] -[dings] 1438 01:22:38,704 --> 01:22:40,289 [Cooper] This still counts as Europe, right? 1439 01:22:42,749 --> 01:22:43,834 [sighs] 1440 01:22:44,626 --> 01:22:46,462 [rock music playing] 1441 01:22:50,007 --> 01:22:51,091 [Scott] Dear Mieke, 1442 01:22:51,592 --> 01:22:53,510 Greece sounds incredible. 1443 01:22:54,261 --> 01:22:56,305 I just moved into my dorm room today, 1444 01:22:56,597 --> 01:22:58,807 but I can't wait to see you over Christmas break. 1445 01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:02,019 This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct. 1446 01:23:02,102 --> 01:23:03,479 [phone ringing] 1447 01:23:08,901 --> 01:23:11,028 -Hello? -Hey buddy, how's college? 1448 01:23:11,195 --> 01:23:14,114 [Scott] Hey, I just got here. My roommate hasn't even showed up yet. 1449 01:23:14,198 --> 01:23:16,533 Do they room all you pre-med geeks together? 1450 01:23:16,700 --> 01:23:18,368 I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. 1451 01:23:18,619 --> 01:23:20,162 I'm thinking about majoring in German. 1452 01:23:20,329 --> 01:23:22,289 [Cooper] German? I've got a better idea. 1453 01:23:22,372 --> 01:23:24,708 Why don't you major in not being such a woman? 1454 01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:26,210 So, how's Jenny? 1455 01:23:26,793 --> 01:23:28,754 Jenny... Jenny who? 1456 01:23:29,004 --> 01:23:32,257 I know a lot of ladies named Jenny, they're all-- Ow! 1457 01:23:32,382 --> 01:23:34,218 [indistinct chatter] 1458 01:23:34,384 --> 01:23:35,636 Hey, Scotty, what's up? 1459 01:23:35,886 --> 01:23:37,095 Hi, Jenny! 1460 01:23:37,179 --> 01:23:39,515 Have you heard from Jamie? How he doing with Frommer? 1461 01:23:39,640 --> 01:23:41,642 -Oh, no. -[music playing] 1462 01:23:45,229 --> 01:23:46,271 Hold on. 1463 01:23:47,773 --> 01:23:48,857 Come here, robot! 1464 01:23:49,149 --> 01:23:51,527 -Cooper, not again! -[door knocking] 1465 01:23:51,777 --> 01:23:53,570 Oh. Hold on, this could be my new roommate. 1466 01:23:53,779 --> 01:23:55,030 [door opens] 1467 01:24:00,744 --> 01:24:02,204 [Cooper] What's the freak look like? 1468 01:24:02,538 --> 01:24:05,874 Is he a dork or is he cool? Better not be cooler than me. 1469 01:24:06,416 --> 01:24:07,626 Is he bigger than me? 1470 01:24:08,544 --> 01:24:11,004 I just got your last email. What are you doing here? 1471 01:24:11,880 --> 01:24:13,006 Going to college. 1472 01:24:14,299 --> 01:24:15,592 You're going to college here? 1473 01:24:17,761 --> 01:24:19,054 -What dorm? -This one. 1474 01:24:19,680 --> 01:24:20,889 Room 214. 1475 01:24:23,767 --> 01:24:26,353 -[chuckles] -How is this possible? 1476 01:24:27,688 --> 01:24:29,523 I guess they thought I was a guy. 1477 01:24:30,691 --> 01:24:33,485 Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that? 1478 01:24:34,027 --> 01:24:35,737 [upbeat music playing] 1479 01:24:38,657 --> 01:24:40,117 [both chuckle] 1480 01:24:42,744 --> 01:24:44,037 [Cooper] Do I hear kissing? 1481 01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:47,499 Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty? 1482 01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:49,960 [chuckles] 1483 01:24:51,253 --> 01:24:52,254 [Cooper] Scotty? 1484 01:24:52,629 --> 01:24:54,923 -Scotty? Scotty! -[Mieke and Scott kissing, laughing] 1485 01:24:55,215 --> 01:24:58,093 ♪ Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me... ♪ 1486 01:24:58,218 --> 01:25:00,220 This happy ending is bullshit. 1487 01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:03,265 When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here. 1488 01:25:03,515 --> 01:25:04,558 [dings] 1489 01:25:04,683 --> 01:25:06,810 ♪ Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1490 01:25:07,394 --> 01:25:10,230 ♪ Oh, Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1491 01:25:11,064 --> 01:25:13,358 -Catchy tune. -Fuckin'-A, man. 1492 01:25:13,609 --> 01:25:14,985 ♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1493 01:25:16,320 --> 01:25:17,404 ♪ So don't tell Scotty! ♪ 1494 01:25:17,613 --> 01:25:21,116 ♪ Fiona says she's out shopping ♪ 1495 01:25:22,659 --> 01:25:26,788 ♪ But she's under me And I'm not stopping ♪ 1496 01:25:27,289 --> 01:25:30,167 -♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ 1497 01:25:30,292 --> 01:25:32,794 -♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ 1498 01:25:32,919 --> 01:25:34,004 -Hello! -[gasps] 1499 01:25:34,171 --> 01:25:38,675 And welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. 1500 01:25:39,134 --> 01:25:40,218 -Sounds great. -[Jenny] Thanks. 1501 01:25:40,344 --> 01:25:42,554 There is no bathroom, nor is there one nearby. 1502 01:25:43,096 --> 01:25:46,808 ♪ I can't believe he's so trusting ♪ 1503 01:25:47,893 --> 01:25:48,769 [laughs] 1504 01:25:48,852 --> 01:25:52,147 ♪ While I'm right behind you thrusting ♪ 1505 01:25:53,690 --> 01:25:55,192 -Get it? Good. -She got it. 1506 01:25:55,484 --> 01:25:58,695 If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen, 1507 01:25:58,945 --> 01:26:02,491 I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. 1508 01:26:02,741 --> 01:26:06,036 You can also try hiding your valuables... 1509 01:26:06,620 --> 01:26:07,537 in your anus. 1510 01:26:07,746 --> 01:26:09,456 -[glass shatters] -Drink? 1511 01:26:09,539 --> 01:26:11,917 ♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ ♪ Scotty doesn't know! ♪ 1512 01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,670 ♪ Scotty doesn't know! Don't tell Scotty! ♪ 1513 01:26:14,836 --> 01:26:16,755 I'm gonna rip away his pants and look at his dick, okay? 1514 01:26:17,130 --> 01:26:18,632 -[laughing] -Ready? 1515 01:26:18,757 --> 01:26:19,675 Quit. Shut up. Sorry... 1516 01:26:19,758 --> 01:26:21,843 -Yeah, yeah. [chuckles] -...I know I fucked it up. Fucked it up 1517 01:26:21,927 --> 01:26:22,844 This time, this time. 1518 01:26:22,928 --> 01:26:24,304 -Yes! You take her hair... -[both moaning] 1519 01:26:24,513 --> 01:26:28,016 ...and one strand at a time, pull it out! 1520 01:26:28,475 --> 01:26:30,852 Use her like a humping post! 1521 01:26:31,603 --> 01:26:32,896 Jenny, this is Europe. 1522 01:26:32,979 --> 01:26:35,607 They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos. 1523 01:26:37,275 --> 01:26:39,903 -[dings] -[cartoon voice] Hapi Djus. [giggles] 1524 01:26:40,404 --> 01:26:42,364 You gotta show them something they haven't seen before. 1525 01:26:44,408 --> 01:26:46,785 ♪ Fiona's got him on the phone ♪ 1526 01:26:47,077 --> 01:26:48,578 ♪ And she's trying not to moan... ♪ 1527 01:26:48,662 --> 01:26:49,705 [laughs] Oh no! 1528 01:26:49,830 --> 01:26:53,792 ♪ It's a three-way call And he knows nothing ♪ 1529 01:26:53,875 --> 01:26:55,794 ♪ Nothing, Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1530 01:26:55,877 --> 01:26:58,380 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1531 01:26:58,672 --> 01:27:02,175 Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring, 1532 01:27:02,259 --> 01:27:05,220 or the fireworks factory upstairs, 1533 01:27:05,721 --> 01:27:06,930 you will be incinerated, 1534 01:27:07,055 --> 01:27:09,975 along with the valuables that you have hidden in your anus. 1535 01:27:10,267 --> 01:27:13,019 ♪ So don't tell Scotty We'll put on a show ♪ 1536 01:27:13,145 --> 01:27:14,396 ♪ Everyone'll go ♪ 1537 01:27:14,521 --> 01:27:17,190 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1538 01:27:17,274 --> 01:27:20,068 ♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1539 01:27:21,445 --> 01:27:23,280 ♪ The parking lot why not? ♪ 1540 01:27:23,572 --> 01:27:25,115 [imitates robotic whirring] 1541 01:27:25,198 --> 01:27:28,034 ♪ It's so cool when you're on top... ♪ 1542 01:27:28,118 --> 01:27:29,411 -[water bubbling] -[Candy chuckling] 1543 01:27:30,579 --> 01:27:32,831 ♪ Life is so hard 'Cause Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1544 01:27:32,914 --> 01:27:34,875 ♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1545 01:27:34,958 --> 01:27:37,586 Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers! 1546 01:27:37,878 --> 01:27:40,881 Go on, you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 1547 01:27:41,506 --> 01:27:43,675 Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! 1548 01:27:43,967 --> 01:27:46,178 Come on! Fucking come and have it! 1549 01:27:46,428 --> 01:27:48,054 You fucking beep? 1550 01:27:48,180 --> 01:27:51,016 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 1551 01:27:51,266 --> 01:27:54,102 Fuck off! Go on, you French bastards! 1552 01:27:54,561 --> 01:27:57,022 Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! 1553 01:27:57,439 --> 01:27:58,565 Go on out of it! 1554 01:27:59,232 --> 01:28:01,443 Fuck off! [pants] I'm knackered. 1555 01:28:01,818 --> 01:28:03,945 -[crew laughing and applauding] -Leeds supporters. 1556 01:28:04,112 --> 01:28:07,199 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know... ♪ 1557 01:28:07,365 --> 01:28:09,493 -[laughs] -No, wait. Oh! 1558 01:28:09,785 --> 01:28:12,579 ♪ Don't tell Scotty, Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1559 01:28:12,746 --> 01:28:15,040 No. No. Guys. A little help? 1560 01:28:15,123 --> 01:28:18,335 [Jenny] Hey! Check these out! I'm 18 years old. 1561 01:28:19,461 --> 01:28:22,088 ♪ Gonna tell Scotty, gonna tell myself ♪ 1562 01:28:22,172 --> 01:28:24,883 ♪ Scotty has to know Scotty has to know ♪ 1563 01:28:25,008 --> 01:28:27,636 ♪ Scotty has to, Scotty has to Scotty has to go ♪ 1564 01:28:27,761 --> 01:28:30,430 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1565 01:28:30,514 --> 01:28:33,183 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1566 01:28:33,308 --> 01:28:35,852 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1567 01:28:35,977 --> 01:28:39,356 ♪ Scotty doesn't, Scotty doesn't Scotty doesn't ♪ 1568 01:28:40,690 --> 01:28:43,693 -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1569 01:28:44,110 --> 01:28:47,155 -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1570 01:28:47,322 --> 01:28:49,199 -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ -♪ Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1571 01:28:49,324 --> 01:28:51,201 [screams] 1572 01:28:52,410 --> 01:28:53,703 ♪ Scotty gotta go! ♪ 1573 01:28:54,037 --> 01:28:55,372 ["Get Loose" playing] 1574 01:29:00,919 --> 01:29:03,004 ♪ I came into this world as a Gemini ♪ 1575 01:29:03,088 --> 01:29:05,507 ♪ Be getting' high in the la Till the day that I die - Jah ♪ 1576 01:29:05,590 --> 01:29:07,092 ♪ So hear the words that I'm spilling ♪ 1577 01:29:07,175 --> 01:29:09,386 ♪ Crack a brew or two And now you know I'm cold chilling ♪ 1578 01:29:09,469 --> 01:29:11,263 ♪ You'll never see the D sip-sippin' On some sizurp ♪ 1579 01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,348 ♪ I skip the main course And go straight for the dizzert ♪ 1580 01:29:13,431 --> 01:29:15,559 ♪ And now I want to party with you Come on babe now ♪ 1581 01:29:15,642 --> 01:29:18,311 ♪ Do whatcha do, come on everybody Get loose tonight ♪ 1582 01:29:18,395 --> 01:29:20,397 ♪ Throw a hand in the air If ya feelin' all right ♪ 1583 01:29:20,480 --> 01:29:22,440 ♪ We don't care if you stare 'Cause the music is tight ♪ 1584 01:29:22,524 --> 01:29:24,401 ♪ Lemme hear ya say, yeah We can do this right ♪ 1585 01:29:24,484 --> 01:29:25,861 ♪ Come on, everybody, get loose tonight ♪ 1586 01:29:25,944 --> 01:29:27,904 ♪ Throw a hand in the air If ya feelin' all right ♪ 1587 01:29:27,988 --> 01:29:29,948 ♪ We don't care if you stare 'Cause the music is tight ♪ 1588 01:29:30,073 --> 01:29:31,908 ♪ Lemme hear ya say, yeah We can do this right ♪ 1589 01:29:31,992 --> 01:29:34,077 ♪ Come on! Co-- co-- co-- baby, come on! ♪ 1590 01:29:34,160 --> 01:29:38,915 ♪ Co-- co-- co-- baby, come on! Co-- co-- co-- baby, come on, everybody! ♪ 1591 01:29:39,124 --> 01:29:41,501 ♪ Come on! Co-- co-- co-- baby, come on! ♪ 1592 01:29:41,668 --> 01:29:43,420 ♪ Co-- co-- co-- baby, come on ♪ 1593 01:29:43,545 --> 01:29:46,798 ♪ Co-- co-- co-- baby, come on Everybody! ♪ 1594 01:29:52,721 --> 01:29:53,889 [song ends] 1595 01:29:55,098 --> 01:29:58,018 -Is it off yet? -No, keep rubbing it.